


It's Complicated

by fanfarts



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Age Difference, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Castiel, Destiel - Freeform, Hermaphrodite Castiel, Human Castiel, Human Gabriel, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Other, Sneaking Around, Top Dean, Underage - Freeform, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-07-23 18:21:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 23
Words: 35,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7474980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanfarts/pseuds/fanfarts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having a crush on your son's best friend isn't the easiest thing to get over, especially if the feeling is mutual. What if they stick with what their hearts (sometimes their downstairs too) and ignore the nagging voices in their heads? How would their families react?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! this is my first time ever writing a Destiel based fanfic and I gotta say, it's a bit challenging lol but nonetheless, very interesting.  
> Just a little disclaimer: by no means I'm okay with rape or underage anything! this is just a fanfic and a fantasy! Please, please! if you are uncomfortable with it and would not enjoy reading any form of explicit content, I suggest you to read something else. There are plenty of non-explicit fics here and they're all amazing!
> 
> PS: none of the chapters are beta'd, so sorry for any grammatical errors or misspellings!

It all somehow started off when one night, Dean decided to inform his father that he has impregnated a girl from his class at one of the weekend parties he frequently went to. His father couldn’t be anymore furious at him than at that moment, causing him to spit out everything that he was holding back ever since his wife had died. Not to mention the few punches and kicks he threw at him.

Mentally scarred for life was an understatement when it came to what Dean was feeling at that very moment, he found himself driving away from the place he had called home for the past 16 years of his life.

Tears rolling down his cheeks as he kept on driving to his destination, knowing he had left behind everything including his 12 years old brother with an excuse of a father, hoping he would be welcome at the new place. Dean finally reach his new hopeful home; his god father’s house. He stayed in his car for a little while before deciding it would be best to wipe off his tears and head up the porch to knock on the door.

Little did he know that without his father’s knowledge, his little brother had called before hand and informed their god father that Dean would be coming, with a brief explanation of what had happened. Once the door opened, Bobby brought Dean in for a hug, calming down Dean’s emotions as best as he could, but that wasn’t all of it, a smack to the head with a quiet “idjit” was thrown at him as he was welcomed to his new home.

**Seven months later**

As a mutual decision, Dean and the girl he had sex with decided on keeping the baby on one condition, and that was to have Dean fully support the baby once they were born. He obviously agreed to that. Soon enough he found himself working two jobs preparing for when the baby arrives; one after school and another during the weekends.

As time went on, life was getting even harder for Dean as soon as started taking out some of the baby’s savings and support his little brother with it after their father had died in a car accident to his constant state of drunkenness. Dean sold the house and all the furniture within it, only taking with him some of his precious belongings as Sam had done the same thing. They both thought it would be best to live with Bobby since he had welcomed the both of them with open arms. Time sure does not seem to be in Dean’s favor. Soon enough, he found himself in a hospital waiting for his baby’s arrival. Since the baby was born early, the doctors had requested for him to stay in the hospital for few more days after the delivery. Lisa sure seemed to have recovered a lot pretty fast as she was up on her feet the next day getting out of her hospital gown and into her clothes. Dean came in the room to check in on her as he had not done so since the baby was delivered the previous day. As soon as he opened the door, he saw that she was getting ready to leave with her mother. The whole thing confused him, “oh.. You’re already up? I thought you needed few more days?” Dean asked.

“No…”, she paused and continued on stuffing her stuff in the bag, “ Your baby needs few more days to recover or whatever, my job here is done, so if you would excuse me” Lisa replied as she tried to make her way through the door with her mother following behind. “Wait! What does that mean? What do you mean your ‘job’ is done? What about the baby?” The more questions he asked, the more upset he seemed to get.

Lisa’s mother couldn’t keep her mouth shut any longer and stepped in front of her, “ What she meant was that her job as a carrier was done here, you are on your own now sweetheart, your pathetic excuse of a child is your problem now.” Dean couldn’t be anymore hurt and confused there, “ we have agreed that you will take full responsibility once the child is born and this is exactly what we meant when we told you. It is not our problem that the little brain cells you had back then didn’t pay as much attention as they should’ve back then, now move out the way and don’t ever contact us again. If you do, then we will call the police on you, and just if you were wondering, here” she dug through her purse and threw a sealed envelope at his face, “this envelope has all the documents you need so you won’t bother us again, it also has the papers that give you full custody over the child. Now to hell with that freak of yours.” she pushed him out of the way with her daughter following her proudly with their chests puffed out.

Never in his life has he felt this humiliated before. Once the door closed behind him, he fell on his knees and started crying his heart out. Everything in his world is slowly collapsing on him and he has no idea how he’s going to survive as the years progress.

Dean picked up the envelope and decided it would be best to not crush it if there are actually official documents in there. He got up and left to go back to where the baby was. Right when he got there, the doctor had done checking up on all the newborns who were now sleeping behind the huge glass window. “Hello Mr.Winchester”, Dean didn’t have the energy to reply back so he nodded as a form of an answer to the doctor. “Your baby is stable now, no worries, I will however need of him to stay her to be monitored for the next two to three days, depending on how his body cooperates with the new environment considering he is an early one. Although his healing will be even faster if there is some skin to skin contact from the mother” As soon as that sentence left the doctor’s lips, he seemed to instantly regret it as he saw the tears welling up in Dean’s eyes, ready to drop any second.

“Is there an alternative doctor?” Dean asked after he cleared his throat. “Yes, in fact you could do that, just don’t be surprised if he baby starts sucking on your nipple. It is totally normal to happen.” Shocked wasn’t even the right word to use at that moment, yet he still blushed and nodded his head. “Alright then! One of the nurses will come to a different room away from the rest of the babies, she will show you how to handle him and what to do.” The doctor said with a smile, “also I see here that you have not filled out the birth certificate for him, so you could also do that in there. Best of luck Mr.Winchester.” Dean stayed silent and again nodded instead of using words.

Few minutes later a pretty, young nurse opened a door to the other side of the glass window and asked him to follow her. They got to another room away from the other newborns, “Alright.. Hello Mr.Winchester. First of all, congratulations! Your newborn is fairly healthy considering he is premature.” he smiled faintly at her as a way of thanking her. “I’m going to ask of you to take off your top and sit on the blue chair right here,” she gestured to a chair near by just as Dean did as he was told. “Now, I’ve seen this happen before, but please stay calm and try not to freak out as much, but your child is still on tubes even though he is stable.”

Dean nodded and tried not to be worried as much as possible. “Please lay back a bit and find a comfortable position, you can adjust the chair to your liking with the buttons on the side.” Again, did as he was told and laid down in a comfortable way, but still not having the chair all the way back. “Alright, please stay calm as I’m bring the baby to you.” She turned around, opened the plastic shell on top of the baby’s tiny bed, and brought him out. He stirred a bit and opened his eyes lazily as she walked him closer to his father. The nurse place the baby on top of Dean’s chest and adjusted all the tubes connected to him.

As soon as they made skin contact, the nursed decided to give them a little bit of privacy to bond, Dean was brought to tears, and few rolled down his cheeks. His baby looked like an angel that was brought down to him. So much of his stress was lifted off his chest with a simple glance from his son. The baby squirmed again, but soon found his way to Dean’s left nipple and started sucking on it. Dean felt weird, he had never had this type of contact before. Not even a minute passes by and his son is yet again sleeping while still sucking on his nipple. The nurse came back with a birth certificate attached to a clipboard. “I see that he’s getting used to you.” Dean smiled at that remark, “As you know, legally we cannot have the baby stay in the hospital more than a day without a name, so what would you like to name your first born sir?” She held up the pen and waited for Dean to reply.

He thought about it for few seconds, “Michael. Michael Samuel Winchester”. Michael being the closest name to his mother’s as well as it was an archangel name, and to him, his baby is an angel. Samuel being his dear brother’s name. She wrote the name down and got him to sign it, she also informed him that they will hold on to having the baby’s footprint on it until he’s almost release since she didn’t want to bother them any further.

Dean continued on staring at Michael for quite a while until some sudden determination came to him. “I’m going to say this to you now and you’re surely not going to understand me, but I will continue on saying for the rest of my life.” Dean leaned down and kissed the top of his head. “I will protect you with all my being. I will give you the love that you will need and won’t even let your mother’s ignorance get to you. I love you Michael.” Dean ended his little speech with that and quietly played with his son’s hands. Watching one of them clasp onto his index finger until the both of them fell asleep that way.


	2. Chapter 2

**Fast Forward 18 Years Later**

“Michael, let’s go! You’re gonna be late for school!”, Dean yelled for his son from down the stairs.

“Okay… okay dad! We’re coming. Come on Cas.” Michael replied, putting on his jacket and checking if his friend is ready. Dean was surprised to see Cas coming down behind his son all sleepy with a sexy bed hair.

Right after that thought crossed his mind, Dean looked away to hide his blush from them. “Mhmm… Hello Cas, I didn’t know you were over.” Dean greeted him. “Goodmorning to you too dad, and yeah we worked on our English project until very late yesterday, so we called Cas’ brother to let him know that he’s sleeping over”, Michael replied followed by a yawn. 

“Good Morning Mr. Winchester”, Cas then added to Michael with a hint of blush. 

Dean stood there with his mouth open, not believing that Cas’ brother actually let him stay over. Michael rolled his eyes and said, “Don’t worry dad, nothing happened… Cas slept on the bed while I slept on the floor.” To say that Cas was embarrassed was an understatement. 

“Didn’t say thing…” Dean put his hands up in defence. “Yeah… sure. Can we just go to school already? I thought we’re running late.” Michael ended it with that as he walked out the door towards the impala leaving Cas and Dean standing there awkwardly, until Dean stepped to the side and offered him to go out first. Not that he wanted to enjoy the rear view anyway.

Dean shook his head as he realized what he had yet again thought of. ‘Get yourself together Dean.’ he thought to himself. 

The drive to school wasn’t that long unfortunately for Cas. Throughout the whole ride, he tried to pay attention to what Michael was saying as much as possible, but he was more distracted by Dean’s arms, eyes, the rest of his face, the way he sat in the driver’s seat, and basically his whole being. 

“Hello! Earth to Cas, where is your mind wandering to?”, Michael waved his hand in front of his face as they were walking towards their first period. “Nothing… just zoned out a bit.” Cas tried to convince Michael which didn’t seem very successful. “Awww Cassie is daydreaming againnnn. Awww, who’s the lucky guy, eh?” 

“That’s so annoying Mike… It’s no one. I told you, I just zoned out.” ‘obviously it’s someone, but I absolutely can’t tell him that I daydream about his dad. He’s gonna kill me.’ Cas was glad he didn’t voice out his thoughts at that moment as he does unconsciously majority of the time. That seemed to do the trick as Michael had dropped it and moved on to talk about random things here and there. 

The school day couldn’t get any slower for Cas, he was very much excited to go home, get his stuff and sleepover at Michael’s house for the weekend. He didn’t know what he was more excited about; spending time with his best friend or seeing more of his crush over the next two days. He thought it was some sort of admiration for the man since he grew up without a father for majority of his life, but the more he thought about it, the more it seems like he’s falling for him. 

The final bell sounded like Heaven opening its gates for him. To make it even more special, it turned out Dean didn’t have to work late that day, so he picked them up. First they went to Cas’ house to grab some belongings for the sleepover. He said his goodbye to his brother and headed back to the car. 

Michael doesn’t live that far away from Cas, so the trip to his house didn’t take as long as he hoped it would. Once they got to the house, Michael grabbed Cas’ hand and lead him up to his room. Cas looked back and saw a glimpse of Dean’s face, annoyed wasn’t even the right word. 

 

For the first few hours, Michael couldn’t stop talking about how excited he is to start the new football season again. It’s his second year with the team and he seemed to get along with everyone else there amazingly well. Cas wasn’t a fan of the sport, nor does he anything about it, but he tried to keep up with all the terms Michael was throwing at him. 

Half an hour later and Cas couldn’t fake it anymore, he loves his best friend, but he just can’t listen something that doesn’t interest him any longer, so he excused himself to the bathroom. Instead of using the one upstairs, he went down to the other one nearby the kitchen. What he saw was more than he bargained for; Dean cooking with only one layer of clothing! Unlike pretty much any other time where his body is all covered up by his suit, he was only wearing a short tight sleeves tee with shorts that are a little above his knees. Cas’ eyes started scanning Dean’s body starting from his hair, going down to his shoulders, eyeing his back and looking at the muscles flexing as he stood by the stove, down to his perky butt, and even lower to his calves.

Without realizing, Cas was taking baby steps closer to Dean the lower his eyes were going, stopping not too far away from Dean and finally snapping out of it with a gasp, which caused Dean to turn around and look at him with a surprised yet amused expression.

“Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were up with Michael.” Dean asked with a hint of cheekiness.

“I..I… I was just gonna go use the restroom and I saw… you… standing here….” Cas couldn’t hold back his words nor what he did next. He came closer to Dean, grabbed his face with both hands and smashed their lips together. Dean was surprised, yet amused by the sudden confidence of the teenager. As bad as he wanted to wrap his arms around the smaller guy, he couldn’t. He told himself to get it together and pushed Cas off of him. He took a deep breath and tried to sound upset, “ What was that about?”  

Cas was taken aback by the reaction let alone his own actions for a moment, but soon gained his confidence back.

“What do you think?”, at this point his voice is leaking of seduction. “I couldn’t hold myself back from you… You were just there with your sexy body”, Dean gulped trying to hold himself back from getting a hard on.

“I know the feeling is mutual. I see how annoyed you get when Michael gets a bit too close to me for your liking.” Cas started getting closer again. This time not jumping on him right away like he just did. His fingers brushed through his hair, his face, dragging them down his chest, and stopping at one of his nipples, rubbing it with his thumb. 

All of that was heating Dean up, he couldn’t hold back any longer as he grabbed Cas by his waist and placed him onto the counter. He smacked their lips back together harshly, as well running hands up under Cas’ shirt.

Right when things started heating up between them, a loud “Cas! Where did you go?” came from upstairs killing the mood for them. Dean backed away fast once he heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

“There you are! What took you so long?” Michael asked with a hint of annoyance as he noticed where Cas was. 

“Sorry… I got carried away talking to your dad.” He tried to reply and slow down his heartbeats all at once. 

“Yeah, that’s right. We were talking about his day at school, so son, heard you made the team. Congrats!” Dean changed the topic in hope of not making this seem suspicious.

“Thanks dad! So as I was saying..” Michael went back to talking and Cas was dying to roll his eyes and ask him to stop, but he just didn’t have the heart to do that. Instead, he hopped off the counter and sat at one of the high stools across from Michael as Dean started serving them food. Michael was finally distracted with his mouth full. Cas took that chance and rubbed Dean’s thigh under the table causing him to stiffen up and rock another hard on all throughout dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it and I will try to update as soon as possible! I'm glad some of you are enjoying it thus far! Thanks for your kudos!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT CHAPTER!!   
> don't expect much, my writing still sucks lol   
> thank you all for the kudos and comments thus far! :D

It was around midnight when Michael finally started feeling sleepy. Cas’ thoughts kept him awake and ready to go on with his plan, so he waited for Michael to completely fall asleep until he got up off his mattress. 

 

Even though he knows Michael is a heavy sleeper, he still checked if opening the door to his bedroom would wake him up. Obviously it didn’t as he started snoring even louder.

 

Cas took that opportunity to get out and walk across the hall to the other side, leading him to Dean’s bedroom. His door wasn’t completely shut so he went in very quietly, surprisingly he didn’t find Dean laying in his bed. Instead he hear some noise coming from his private bathroom.

 

His curiosity took over him and dragged him closer to the door, the closer he got to the bathroom, the clearer the noise where; Dean was moaning. It seems like Dean isn’t very good at closing doors completely behind him, this time the door was even more open than his bedroom’s, but still not wide enough for him to see who’s standing outside of it.

 

His hand was moving smoothly and slowly around his cock, head tilted back while the rest of his body supporting itself with the sink. Cas was in a quick state of shock, but his thoughts ruled him yet again, ‘Oh that’s so hot’. He brought his one of his hands down shakingly to rub his clothed cock.

 

“Ungh… Cas.” a low moan left Dean’s mouth as he closed his eyes to enjoy the moment. That alone almost made Cas cum from both holes. He was too carried away with rubbing himself while looking at Dean that he didn’t realize the slick coming out of his vagina. Once he felt it, he knew he was in trouble. 

 

Cas was getting too turned on for his own good, he pulled his pants down a little and started jerking himself off. His hand against his shift was getting too heated up and won’t work as good as he hope for it, but that wouldn’t stop him. He reached his hand even lower and massaged his clit, causing him to get even more slick out. He wet his hand with it and brought it back to his cock and resumed to jerking off to Dean’s moans. 

 

Few minutes had passed and both of them were sweating, Dean’s moaning got louder as his orgasm got closer. Cas was still standing just outside the bathroom door, jerking himself off with slick now mixed with precum. The more he stared the more in sync they got, one final tug at his cock and Dean came with a loud “Cas” leaving his mouth, dropping to his knees as more cum shivered out of him. Cas came in his hand with a low moan that left him in la la land for few seconds until realization hit him.

 

He was still standing in Dean’s room, he watched Dean jerk himself off to him and now there’s no way he could get away with this. His anxiety went up as he saw Dean coming off his haze and grabbing few toilet paper to clean himself and wherever his cum got on. Cas stood there as stiff as a wooden plank watching his every move.

 

As tired as Dean was, he thought it would be best to take a shower before going to bed feeling sticky. He took the rest of his clothes off and right before he hopped in the shower for a quick scrub, he thought he heard some noise coming off his bedroom, but decided on ignoring it. 

  
That noise was Cas getting himself together and trying to leave as quietly as possible, not until he closed the door did he realize that it wasn’t close in the first place. ‘Stupid stupid stupid’, he thought as he almost face palmed himself, but quickly realized that his hand was still sticky with cum and slick, and so he too decided on a quick shower before bed would be better than anything at that moment. 


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning was a bit awkward for Cas, he tried to hide the fact that he watched Dean masturbate while moaning his name, just the night before, all throughout breakfast. He even sat next to Michael against his liking, but couldn’t risk it again. 

 

“Hey Cas, are you okay? You seem a bit off this morning.” Michael commented making Dean pay all of his attention to Cas now. 

Cas nodded, “Yeah I’m alr-”, he was taken aback by Michael’s hand on his forehead. “You certainly don’t have a fever.” Dean did not seem impressed at all. Cas nodded again and resumed to eating his breakfast quietly. 

 

As hot as yesterday’s event was, he’s starting to have mixed feelings about all of  _ this.  _ He tried to act as normal as possible while his thoughts took over him again, ‘ What am I supposed to do? Do I actually like it? Do I like him? How would Michael react if this continues on and we actually end up doing something that would cross all boundaries between us?’, he signed and dismissed himself to go take a shower after dumping his not so empty place in the trash and placing the utensils in the dishwasher. 

 

Once he stripped down and hopped in the shower, Cas started feeling weird and uncomfortable, ‘What am I doing? This is wrong and I can’t do this to my best friend?’, he had so many questions for himself, yet no answer to any. 

 

One thing he notice about his thoughts was that they all go back to Michael and how he’d react if anything happens. ‘How did my weekend go from having a sleepover at my best friend’s house, supposedly listening to him vent about his team and playing video games, to thinking about how his dad and how our non existing relationship would develop?’

 

Cas took a deep breath and washed his worries away, clothed himself and went out looking for Michael. From that moment on, he decided to ignore Dean as much as possible until he sorts his thoughts out. He found him sitting in the living room playing a new video game he just bought.

 

Michael glanced at Cas once he sat down next to him, “you feeling any better?”.

 

“Yeah, it was nothing. Just worried about what our last year of school holds for us, that’s all.”, Cas replied with a small smile. “Can I play the next round?”, he wasn’t sure if he did that to change the topic or if actually wanted to play. 

 

For the rest of the weekend, he went on with his plan: Ignore Dean, call him Mr.Winchester instead of his first name, spend as much time with Michael as possible, and go home early.

 

Sunday afternoon comes and Cas started packing his belongings, “hey Cas, what time do you want to leave? Dad could take you home since he’s not working.” Michael offered and didn’t notice how tensed Cas had gotten as he mentioned his dad. 

 

“Uhmm.. around 2 would be fine, and it’s okay, I already called my brother to pick me up.” Cas replied, ‘ this is for the better’. He grabbed his bag and brought it downstairs with him to the living room. 

 

“No dad, his brother is going to pick him up”, he heard Michael say to Dean. He tried to smile at Dean as he faced him with a confused frown on his face. Cas couldn’t stop himself from inhaling Dean’s scent as he passed by him to go to the kitchen. 

 

Michael and Cas played few more rounds of video games until Cas’ phone went off with his brother’s name showing on the screen. He answered it and told him he’ll be out in a minute, Cas turned to Michael and hugged him, it lasted longer than he wished for, but decided to ignore his feelings again. Once he was about to leave, he saw Dean coming down the stairs, “bye Mr.Winchester” he said and didn’t miss the deep inhale Dean took before a quiet, “bye” was thrown his way by Dean. 

 

He hopped into Gabriel’s car quietly still lost in his thoughts, his brother turned towards him and said, “Hey little brother, you had a good weekend?”

 

Even though they tell each other everything, Cas didn’t have the guts to tell him everything he had done over the weekend so he simply replied with, “it was okay, just like any other sleepover I’ve had at Michael’s.” he closed his eyes and relaxed himself against the window of the passenger seat. Gabriel knew Cas was hiding something, but he didn’t want to push it any further so he let him rest up while he drove them home.

  
Cas didn’t know when he fell asleep, but the shift of movement made him whine and try to wake himself up, “Shhh… it’s okay kiddo, go back to sleep”, Gabriel said softly as he carried him up to his bedroom. He felt a kiss being placed onto his forehead as he drifted back to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From this chapter on, it might seem like the plot is moving a little bit more on the slow pace, but it will pick up after few chapters. 
> 
> Honestly, I'm starting to wonder if people actually like this fic so far, do you?
> 
> Thank you all, your comments and kudos are always well appreciated!

That weekend is over and so they’re back to school on Monday, Cabriel noticed the sudden change in his brother’s mood, but he kept his word to himself with leaving him alone until he’s ready to talk about whatever happened during his stay at his friend’s house.

 

Gabriel wasn’t the only one to see what was going on with Castiel, all throughout the following week, Michael insisted on knowing what was wrong with him, and needless to say, it was making his mood even worse, if not make him even more guilty about keeping this kind of secret from his best friend. What made him even more annoyed was his friend’s constant need of skin contact. 

 

Lately Michael has been more on the touchy side, like he forgot what personal space meant. He takes every opportunity to keep his hands on him. Cas is acting sad? Keep him in a tight hug for way too long. He’s feeling sick? Touch his forehead, stay with him till practice starts. He asks for some alone time? More like Michael’s time. 

 

It seemed like there was no way out of Michael’s presence. Cas started feeling weird about it, but he never had the heart to say no to him no matter how annoyed he gets with Michael, he always thought of it as his best friend wanting to help him out, even if the voices at the back of his head wanted him to talk it out with Michael and make sure he doesn’t get the wrong idea.

 

Weeks had passed by, and eventually it became a part of his routine to go along with whatever Michael wants. One thing though, he hadn’t slept at his house ever since  _ that  _ weekend, nor did he tell anyone about what he saw, heard, or did there.

 

Knowing his luck, he jinxed himself as not even five minutes after he thought about his last sleepover at Michael’s, his best friend asked him to spend the first week of winter break with him and his dad at their forest cabin. What was his response? He agreed right away happily without even thinking about it. He realized what he did only after he uttered out the word. Cas stood there like a statue in a state of shock while Michael brought him in for a long hug, he couldn’t even bring his arms up to either hug him back or push him away. 

 

But even if he pushed him off and told him he can’t go, what would be his excuse? He can’t possibly tell him the truth right then and there, ‘oh yeah, sorry I can’t go. Your dad and I almost fucked while you were sleeping few doors down, and I don’t feel comfortable around you anymore… surprise!’ Cas thought as he collected himself enough to push Michael away softly.

 

“We’re leaving next sunday, make sure to pack some heavy clothes because it might start snowing there as it is colder than here. Don’t need to bring a sleeping bag since the whole cabin is furnished and big enough to fit the three of us and more there.” Michael informed him giddily. Cas sighed and nodded his head.

 

All he wanted to do was curl up into a fetus position and cry himself out for as long as his heart would allow him to. The school had already ended, even before Michael had come up to him excitedly to tell him about their trip. He was yet again offered a ride from Michael, but refused, lying to him and saying that Gabriel was going to pick him up, when in reality he wanted to walk home to clear up his mind.

 

That didn’t go so well for him either, his mind started working even more than before, ‘ why did I even agree to? I could always text or call him and tell him I’d rather spend it with Gabriel…. No that’s too rude, he probably already told his dad……. His dad! Oh my god! He’s going to be there too! I’m going to be in the middle of nowhere with possibly two guys who fantasize about having their dicks up every possible hole of mine that they could fit it in. Great, just great Castiel’, he sighed and kept walking home, trying to keep himself warm as the weather was getting chiller by the day.

 

“Hey Cassie, how was your day at school?” Gabriel greeted him once he got home. For some reason he felt the need to hug his brother and feel loved a little more, and so he did, “it was alright, Gab”, he muttered as he buried his face into his brother’s chest. Gabriel was startled by his little brother’s action, but soon his features softened and wrapped his arms around him in a protective way, “you’re gonna be okay kiddo, just let it go”, and with that, he felt his chest getting warm and wet as Cas started shaking. 

 

As much as Gabriel wanted to pull away a bit and wipe off Cas’ tears, he didn’t. Instead, he let him cry whatever was in his chest out and hugged him even tighter. Even after so many weeks, he still had no clue what was bothering his brother and it started concerning him to no end, but he wanted to respect his privacy and let him explain it whenever he’s ready. 

 

They stood in the middle of the kitchen for few more minutes and Cas’ cries turned into tiny sobs. Gabriel’s shirt was soaked with Cas’ tears, but he wasn’t going to complain anytime soon. He kissed the top of Cas’ head and stroked his cheek with his thumb while staring at him lovingly, “why don’t you go wash up and come back down to eat your dinner kiddo?” Cas’ nodded in return, picked up his backpack and head upstairs to his bathroom. 

 

Now it was Gabriel’s turn to feel sad, ‘if only I know what is wrong with him…. If only mom was still alive, she would’ve been much more helpful than I could ever be. I’m so pathetic that I can’t even help my only remaining brother’, his thoughts were taking over his emotions and few tears escaped from his eyes, but soon took hold of himself, wiped them off his face and said to himself, “no. I’m gonna stay strong, if not for myself then I will be for my little brother.” he ended his little self motivational speech with a smile as he resumed to finished cooking their dinner. 

 

Not even half an hour later, Cas came down looking a bit fresher than how he came into the house, he hugged his brother from the back and muttered a quiet “thank you” to him. Gabriel turned and gave him a quick hug before telling him to sit at the table as he platted their food.

 

“Hey Gab”, he said after clearing his throat getting his brother’s attention. He answered with hum as he continued to eat. “I was wondering if I could spend the first week of break with Michael and his dad at their forest cabin? He asked me to go with them today and I felt bad for not sleeping over at his house for a while so I said yes, sorry I didn’t ask for permission first.”  _ Lies.  _ Gabriel was taken aback and put his utensils down, “are you sure? No offense kiddo, but you haven’t really been yourself lately.” Not really the answer he was looking for, but it will do.

 

“I mean… not really?...But I guess I could get some fresh air to clear up my head a bit.”  _ a worse lie _ . Cas smile to make himself sound a bit more relaxed, but per usual, Gabriel wasn’t buying it. “Okay, just stay safe and pack up what you need, take good care of yourself and absolutely no sharing beds!” Cas smiled at the last one and thanked Gabriel.

  
Excited was surely the wrong word to describe how Cas felt about the trip, more like terrified of what the future holds for him, but what could go wrong if none of his thoughts were real?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a chapter that full of possibly fake medical bs. Honestly speaking (typing), I'm not in med school or anywhere near there lol Doctors visits kind of freak the crap out of me considering all the ones I've had so far were at hospitals...
> 
> but! Hope you enjoy this chapter and look forward to the next one! I really like writing this even though they're never beta'd... 
> 
> I'd love to hear your feedback!

To say that Cas was stressed out was an understatement. Aside from his thoughts eating him up and his upcoming trip with the Winchesters, he has a functioning vagina….. And a penis.

 

Ever since he was younger, he had to have doctor visits every three months, this week just so happened to be his doctor appointment and menstrual cycle, he was nervous, which is understandable considering this is his first time visiting without Gabriel being there supporting him in every way possible. Even though he was born a hermaphrodite, he found out that his system is capable of producing eggs and not sperm, but he is still able to ejaculate dead sperm. 

 

Gabriel had to go to work and so he ended up only driving him to the hospital, “will you be alright by yourself?”, Cas took a deep breath before he answered, “yeah, I’ll try my best to stay calm.” He got out of the passenger seat and bid his brother a goodbye before heading into his appointment.  He felt scared and alone, but decided it would be best to get over his feelings. 

 

“Hello Mr.Novak, Dr.Pamela will soon be with you.” the receptionist greeted him with a smile. He smiled back and sat on one of the chairs in the waiting area. It didn’t take long for his name to be called in. 

 

“Hi Cas, how are you doing hun?” the doctor greeted him softly sensing his distress. “I’m alright, just been a bit all over the place these past few weeks. Nothing serious”, he talked as she jot down some notes inside his folder with a small nod. 

 

“Alright, have you been taking your norethisterone?” she looked up as she learned he’s more of a nodder over the years, and so he did. “Are you okay with them or do you need me to change the prescription for you?” Cas shook his head at that, “No, they’ve been helping actually.” Some of those pills could cause sleepiness and a form of pain killers, therefore they’ve been a part of how he’s been coping with his emotions. 

 

“Just saying, don’t get too dependent on them. They’re only there to help you with your cycle kiddo.” Pamela said while looking at him with her glasses a little off. “Okay well, your last blood and urine test results came in and everything is clean as always, so good job, there’s nothing to worry about.” That made him smile a bit, “ other than that, are you concerned about anything? Do you need me to explain anything to you?” She asked as she closed his folder and placed it on the little table next to the patient’s seat Cas was sitting on. 

 

Cas bit his lower lip in an attempt to hold himself back, he wanted to ask her about something but he didn’t know how to phrase it, ‘whatever, let’s just ask her’, he thought.

 

“Well… I’ve been thinking about this for a bit now, and I was wondering if there is a way I could take birth control without messing up my cycle pills?” He asked her nervously, for the first time that day, he was glad Gabriel wasn’t with him, or else he didn’t know how he’d react to it.

 

It took her a second to reply, “there are, but I’m going to ask you few questions just for precaution, all of your answers will stay between us and this folder as they are confidential information. Is that okay with you?” he nodded slowly.

 

She brought back his folder onto her lap and flipped to a new page, “have you been sexually active?” he shook his head, she blinked a few times before looking at him with a puzzled expression, “ why are you asking for birth control options if the pills are okay and you aren’t sexually active sweetheart?” 

 

In all honesty, Cas didn’t know why himself, but deep down he knew. “ I’m a growing teenager, things happened and I want to be prepared for whatever is waiting for me in the near future. I’m not sure when I will be sexually active or how much the person I’ll be having sex with cares about protection, but I want to be prepared just in case.” He blurted it out without a second thought, just when he realized that, his face turned into crimson red. 

 

Pamela smiled, “ well first of all kiddo, I know how hormonal teenagers could get. second , you should always consider how much your partner cares about protection, no matter how much you love them or not, you never know when they might be infected. As for the birth control, yes there are options. Since you are old enough now, I wouldn’t necessarily need to suggest you the pills, but for medical purposes I’ll list some of the main options for you.” Cas relaxed a bit and nodded his head. 

 

“first , there’s the birth control pills, they are similar to your norethisterone pills. You have to take them every day at the same time. Second, there’s the shot, you take it every three months. I would highly suggest this one to you more than the other options, considering that we meet up every three months anyway and a bonus to it is that you don’t have to take your pills anymore, or for as long as you decide to keep taking those shots. Third and last but not least, there’s the vaginal ring, it’s a small ring that is placed inside your vagina for up to three weeks every month, or again for as long as you decide to wear it.” She explained each method and how they work to him. 

 

“I’ll go with your suggestion and take the shot. I do think it’s the best option for me.” for the first time that day, she heard his excited and bubbly voice again. “Even though you are turning 18 soon, I’m gonna have to call your brother to confirm if it’s okay for you to take the shot as he is your guardian.” His face instantly dropped and placed up. “Don’t worry I’ll only mention the part about it being a better option for you than the pills.” she ensured him with a wink. He smiled at that.

 

Pamela called Gabriel and informed him about the changes, he asked her a few questions and she answered him with the best of her knowledge. “Okay then, thank you for your time Mr.Novak… Have a good rest of your day.” she finished off the call with that.

 

“Well… your brother is okay with it, as I mentioned before, this shot will prevent your cycle and will work the same way as your pills have. Remember to practice safe sex and always use protection.” she wheeled herself away from him towards some drawers and pulled out a set of strip of condoms and handed them to him, “ we’ve already gone over how to use these, so very careful with them. Alright, I won’t have to write you a new prescription, the nurse will come in few minutes to give you your shots.” 

 

She pulled off a piece of paper and wrote his name on it and signed it off, “ since today is a school day, here’s your school pass, you should rest up for the rest of the day and go back tomorrow. I’ll see you in three months, okay?” she got up and brought him in for a hug, “take good care of yourself kiddo.” he felt safe in her arms, a bit like when Gabriel holds him. He thanked her and stayed seated waiting for the nurse to come in with his shot. 

 

Few minutes later, she came in with a tray that holds his shot. She greeted him and asked him to lift up his sleeve. She gave him the shot, put a bandaid on it and lead him out to the waiting area, where he got his paper for his next appointment. 

 

As he started walking outside of the hospital, he started feeling drowsy and a bit off, as much as he’d wanted to call Gabriel to take him home, he didn’t want to bother him any further, and so he decided on sending him a text telling him that he’s going to take a cab instead. 

 

One thing he was sure of, was that he’s glad his house isn’t that far away from anything. He was happy that the ride wasn’t that long, once he got home, he felt too tired to do anything other than taking off his shoes and laying on the bed as he let his mind and body take him to dreamland, where he didn’t have to worry about anything for few hours.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is probably the longest chapter I've wrote so far. If you're new, welcome and hope you'd stay!   
> thank you all for the kudos :) 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it and leave some feedback!

School is finally off for winter break, Cas was glad his teachers were kind enough to not assign any homework whatsoever. He took Saturday off for himself, his shot did have some side effects the following day which drained him up. Cas grabbed his wallet, phone, and keys and left out the door to go explore the city a bit more. Even though he’s been living in Lawrence for pretty much half of his life, there’s always something new to discover in his opinion.

 

Cas’ had a place in mind, his secret hideout if you may. It’s a little isolated area where no one goes to, a very beautiful place at the other side of town, hidden behind big trees. It has a little lake where a smile migration of geese claim as their pit-stop shelter every time they travel. Cas laid down using his right arm as a pillow, took a deep breath and closed his eyes to enjoy the moment. 

 

The place was very quiet, away from the city noises, aside from the far tweets and chirps, he felt like he was laying on a cloud that took him far away from everything, but even when he’s surrounded by flowers and quietness, he found himself thinking about Dean. He just couldn’t get the man out of his head. It’s been weeks since he last interacted with him or seen him for that matter, but yet he couldn’t get him out of his head. 

 

All this time he thought that he wanted the man to forget about him and move on without getting his son involved in this, he finally realized that a part of him was scared that Dean might actually do it and move on, his thoughts were clouded with new “what ifs” again, but seems like this time he was determined to get some answers out of him. He shook his head and closed his eyes again drifting off to sleep.

 

Sunday morning came faster than he hoped for it. Cas found himself riding shotgun in Dean’s car as Michael wanted to lay down and sleep throughout the ride. He felt a little awkward as he sat next to Dean, but then he realized that he didn’t have to since Dean didn’t know that Cas knows about his little secret. He took a deep breath and stared out the window. 

 

The weather was definitely getting colder as they headed further up north, he rubbed his hand along his left arm as his body shivered a bit. Dean noticed the little action, he cranked up the heat, but that didn’t seem like it was working as Cas still looked cold, he glanced through the rear view mirror at Michael and saw him covered with a blanket. As they stopped at a red light, he took his jacket off and offered it to Cas.

 

Cas stared at the gesture in confusion then looked up to Dean’s face with his head tilted to the side. Dean blushed, “wear it…. You seemed cold even with the heat up.” Cas took the jacket and held it for few seconds with his face flushed like a tomato. He muttered a barely audible “thank you”, then wore the jacket. 

 

It instantly warmed him up with how ill fitted it was on him, not to mention Dean’s cologne was all over it. Cas turned his head to look out the window and hide his smile. Not even 30 minutes later, he dozed off to Dean’s scent as he wrapped himself up with the jacket. Dean took a quick glanced towards him and smiled proudly to himself.  

 

The cabin wasn’t that far away so it only took them few short hours to reach it. Dean turned off the car and looked at Cas’ sleeping figure, he was contemplating whether he should wake him up or let him sleep and carry him inside. He decided the first option would be better since he thought it would look suspicious considering they haven’t had any form of interaction in the past few weeks, and his son was there sleeping too.

 

“Cas, wake up.” he shook him softly. Cas groaned but rubbed his eyes open awake. Dean turned to Michael and shook him awake too. “You two go in and sleep more if you want while I bring in our bags.” both teenagers nodded and went in after Michael got the keys from his dad.

 

Michael decided on heading straight to one of the bedrooms and go back to sleep, while Cas didn’t feel like sleeping anymore, he sat on the couch and pretended to zone out, but in reality he was watching Dean carry their bags in. He felt bad for having do all the work, but his pride didn’t let him go and help out in sake of minimizing their interaction. Seems like all the motivation and confidence from the previous day flew out the window.

 

Once Dean finished bringing in their stuff and unpacking, he plopped himself down at the other end of the couch. He sighed deeply as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes to rest. Cas blushed at the simple gesture and the fact that has still wrapped up in Dean’s jacket, he sniffed it once more to relax himself, then took it off and cleared his throat to get his attention.

 

“Thank you for lending me your jacket Mr.Winchester.” Cas handed him his jacket and sat up to sit politely. Dean wished for him to keep it on for a little longer, but accepted it back from him nonetheless with a nod.

 

That was followed by the weirdest awkward silence they’ve both ever encounter. Dean didn’t even know why Cas was acting that way or how to start a conversation, and Cas had no idea how to answer him if they would talk at all. Few more minutes had passed and Dean grew tired of just sitting there and not even being able to talk to the only person he was sitting next to. 

 

“Okay.. well…. I’m gonna go grab some wood to start the fireplace, and then I’ll prepare dinner….” He paused, “if Michael asks.” Not that he wanted Cas to know obviously. Cas said a quiet “okay” and went to the room he saw go in, there were two beds, one was already occupied by Michael, Cas noted how much more peaceful he looked than when he’s awake. He grabbed his bag and unpacked some of his stuff out.

 

Cas grabbed one of his thick jackets and decided to go explore the surrounding area by himself a bit. The cabin was kind of in the middle of the forest and he wondered why they even have one up here anyway. He kept walking and taking in his surroundings, the more he walked the more relaxed  he became, the forest reminded him of his hidden area where he goes to relax at, he found a tree that didn’t seem too dirty for his standards and leaned against it, soon he dozed off again not thinking about the consequences. 

 

A loud “Cas!” woke him, the voice sounded worried and out of breath. He stood up and walked towards the voice, the closer he got the more he recognized it, “Dean?” he questioned the figured that had his back facing him. Dean turned around instantly, eyes wide with worry and hurt, “oh my god Cas. Where were you?” Dean brought him in for a hug and closed his eyes to even out his breath. Cas was taken aback by the sudden action, it took him few seconds to register that he was gone for longer than he thought as the sun had already set.  He hesitantly wrapped his arms around Dean and buried his face in his chest just as he muttered a quiet apology. 

 

Dean pushed himself away but had his hands grip on Cas’ shoulders tightly, “I thought something bad had happened to you, don’t ever do that again, you understand?” Cas’ stomach was full of butterflies, he wasn’t sure they were flying around because he was happy Dean cared about him or due to his nervousness. 

 

He apologized again as they walked back to the cabin, Michael looked almost as uneasy as his dad was, he jumped up from where he was sitting in the living area and brought Cas in for a long hug, forcing his face to go over his shoulder. Cas felt comfortable yet again so looked at Dean as his way of asking for help, what he saw almost made his heart drop, Dean looked so hurt and sad as he turned to walk towards the kitchen and that had physically hurt Cas oddly. 

 

“Dude, where did you go? We thought you got lost somewhere out in the forest.” Michael said as he pulled himself away from Cas. For some reason Cas thought the way Michael sounded was way less sincere than the way Dean was talking to him. “Sorry, I wanted to go check out our surroundings and ended up falling asleep. Didn’t realize how far away I’ve gotten myself from the cabin nor how long I’ve been out.” He explained followed by a hesitant smile. 

 

Michael seemed like he wanted to say more, but his dad beat him to it, “it’s alright, as long as you’re okay, everything else doesn’t matter.” He smiled and used this opportunity to change the topic, “who wants dinner?” he asked a bit more cheerful than any other time that day. 

 

They ate dinner and started small conversations here and there. After dinner, they stayed up and ate some s’mores around the campfire they made outside as Dean drank a beer bottle. The weather was getting colder, so they finally called it a night and on to sleep on their separate beds. Michael instantly knocked out, which had Cas wondering how could someone sleep this much in just one day, but yet still have so much energy to do sports. 

 

He had some difficulty falling asleep as this wasn’t his bed and he had slept enough all throughout the day, but for some odd reason, the thought of sleeping not that far away from Dean made him relax instead of tense up. He found himself smiling as he remembered how his cologne smelled, which eventually made him slip off to dreamland with the warmth of his memory. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONFESSION!!

The week at the cabin has been going pretty well so far surprisingly. Cas got to know Dean even more and realized how dreamy and amazing the guy is. After all having a crush on someone isn’t always about satisfying your sexual desires.

 

Yes. Cas had finally admit to himself that he has a big crush on his best friend’s dad, having to stay and be semi-forced to interact with the guy you’ve been avoiding for weeks may sound horrible to many, but definitely not to Cas. The regrets he had before about having mixed feelings for the man now changed to regrets about the days he wanted to stay away from him.

 

Wednesday night appeared to be a bit more special than the other nights. They hiked around the forest and spent majority of the day outside the cabin, Cas felt like he could finally open up more to Dean the more time he spent with him, “alright. I’m off to bed, I can’t keep my eyes open any longer. Goodnight to the both of you.” Michael said with a yawn. The other two replied with a simple “goodnight”.

 

Once Michael left, they stayed silent for few minutes. The air was getting colder, but neither of them wanted to go inside and end the moment. As much as Dean wanted to keep it going, he felt the need to ask few questions. “Hey Cas.” the nervousness was evident in his voice, Cas looked up with a hum. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something for a while now.” Cas’ mouth twitched at that. ‘Oh god, what did I do now?’ his mind was all over the place, but yet his mouth had a brain of its own.

 

“Yes Mr.Winchester?” he tried to sound normal. Dean cringed at that. “Okay. First, drop the whole ‘I’m going to call you Mister for the sake of not making things awkward’, I believe we are past that now.” Cas gulped, but nodded. “Second, I know this isn’t the most appropriate thing to do with your son’s friend, but….” he paused to slow down his heartbeat, “ I can’t help it. It’s been bothering me for almost a year now, and I know it’s wrong, but I can’t deny it anymore.”

 

tears were welling up in his eyes, “I’ve tried so hard…. Over and over again to get over it. Drawn myself with work, forced myself to sleep with others to get my head off of it, and countless other tries… but you know what always end up happening?” the look in his eyes caused Cas to panic even more. “No matter what I try, it’s always you” tears started falling down his cheeks, Dean couldn’t take it anymore, he pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes to hopefully stop the waterfalls from continuing to drop.

 

Cas didn’t know what to say. He was in a state of shock. All he thought he could do was stare at Dean as he poured out his heart to him, but without even realizing, his body moved itself towards Dean. Cas kneeled in between Dean’s legs and he placed his hands on Dean’s wrists to pull them away from his face. Cas finally saw how broken Dean was, his eyes showed how miserable he has been for the past few weeks.

 

It felt like every part of Cas’ body had a mind of its own. His eyes were tearing up, hands still holding onto Dean’s wrists, and body moving even closer to him. He didn’t realize what he was doing until his lips pressed themselves softly onto Dean’s. His actual brain was telling him to pull away and forget about it before Michael wakes up and sees them, but his heart was telling him that it’s okay and everything was alright as long as Dean is besides him.

 

They kissed for a bit more before Cas broke it and pressed their foreheads together, he let go of Dean’s wrists to wipe off his tears, then let them linger on his face as his thumb kept stroking it kindly. He felt strong arms wrapping themselves securely around his body and bringing him up to sit onto Dean’s lap.

 

Dean buried his head into Cas’ chest and hoped he won’t get pushed away. Instead, Cas smiled and pulled him even closer as he ran his fingers through his hair followed by a kiss on top of his head. They stayed that way for a while until Cas’ legs were getting tired from having it bent all the time he was sitting on Dean’s lap. That thought made him blush.

 

Just few days before, he was terrified about coming on the trip and almost canceled on them, and now he’s sitting on the guy’s lap who he’s been denying his undying crush on. Right when he wanted to get up and stretch his legs, Dean laid down and pulled him on top. His face turned crimson red, his heart was beating faster than ever, “Don’t. Please stay, I’ll make sure to wake up earlier than Michael.” Dean whispered.

 

Cas can’t say he wasn’t scared to what would Michael’s reaction would be if Dean forgets to wake up early, but chose to let it all go and stay. “Okay.” he agreed before taking a deep breath and got off of Dean to grab a blanket that was on one of the chairs there. Dean  was confused for a second, but scooted further back into the couch to make room for Cas once he realized what was happening.

 

Neither of them knew why, but both felt at ease knowing that they’re entangled with each other under the blanket. Cas used Dean’s arm as his pillowed and wrapped his own around him, they started at each other lovingly. Dean leaned towards his face and closed the tiny gap between them, he pressed his lips onto Cas’ in the most gentle way possible. Cas’ stomach butterflies were going crazy. Few lip biting here, few tongue rolling there, and a lot of simple liplocking. By the time they thought they had enough, both of their lips were plumped and red. Dean smiled down at him. “Goodnight, Cas.” Dean then kissed his forehead. “Goodnight, Dean.” Cas replied sleepily.

  
Thus far, this had to be the best night of his Senior year up until the moment he slept.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cabin trip pt. 2  
> some disgustingly fluffy moments.
> 
> Thank you all for the kudos, I hope you continue on supporting this fic.  
> If there's anything you're disliking about it, please let me know.

Cas whined at the loss of heat next to him, but his mood instantly got better at the smell of bacon and eggs. He stretched his limbs and turned to look at Dean platting their breakfast. He smiled and got up to go and sit at the table. Not so surprisingly, Michael wasn’t awake yet.

 

Dean’s face brightened up as he looked at Cas trying to wake up. He walked towards him and kissed his lips before pulling away and placing his plate of breakfast in front of him. Cas shied away and bit his lips.

 

That moment didn’t last for long as Michael found his way to his seat at the table with the other two. “Well look who’s finally up?” Dean joked and got a hard playful glare from his son and a quiet giggle from Cas. He believed his life was great so far, but he knew better than to think it’s all going to go his way forever.

 

He sighed and decided to throw those thoughts to the back of his brain if he wanted to enjoy the few more days they had of this trip. Dean smiled and joined in the conversation they were already having about how Michael and pretty much half of his football team are going to join baseball until the next season.

 

It became an easy habit for the new complicated lovers to sneak out to the living area and cuddle all night, sharing soft kisses with Dean whispering sweet nothings into Cas’ ear. Michael didn’t suspect anything, although he was annoyed by the fact his body doesn’t allow him to stay up too late or wake up earlier than the other two.

 

Sunday was the last day they were staying at the cabin as they would leave to go back to Lawrence Monday morning. That day was the coldest of all the other days there were in the forest. “I’m going to go cut up some more wood for the fireplace.” Dean knew that they didn’t need that much wood as today is their last day in the cabin, but he decided on giving the boys a bit of alone time. After all, they are best friends and he can’t be unfair to his son and hog up his friend all time to himself.

 

Both teenagers nodded at him. An awkward silence was followed, Cas felt weird for being left alone with his best friend, he also felt bad that this entire past week, he wanted to spend majority of his time with the dad more than the son.

 

All of a sudden, his mood changed again and wore a very visible frown. “Are you okay, Cas?” Michael noticed. “Yeah, I’m alright. I just feel like we didn’t talk as much as I was expecting us to throughout this trip. Sorry Mike.” Cas didn’t know why he voiced out how he felt, but he was relieved when Michael brightened up and smiled at him.

 

“Aww… that was so sweet. It’s okay, we have the rest of break to talk as much as we want, but if you really feel like that, wanna go look around the forest?” Cas cringed at the memory of when he fell asleep on the first day. Michael laughed, “ don’t worry, I know this area pretty well. I’ve been here enough to know where to go and where not to.”

 

‘Maybe I should’ve kept my mouth shut and let the silence be.’ Cas thought as he nodded and got up to go changed his clothes into something more warm.

  


Once they were outside, Michael informed Dean that they will be walking around to have Cas explore the area better. Even with him being unsure and hesitant to let them go alone, he remembered why he got outside in the first place, “okay, just don’t go too far, it might start snowing and the ground could get slippery.” They left with a simple “bye” to head in a random direction.

 

Surprisingly, after few hours or looking around and having Michael tell him stories of when Dean brought him there when he was younger, Cas wasn’t feeling uncomfortable anymore, he felt like he was just casually talking to his best friend with ease again.

 

But then again, Cas’ luck isn’t always on his side when it comes to the Winchesters. They heard some noise coming from a nearby bush. “Keep quiet and don’t move.” Michael said to him. Cas started to panic a bit, ‘what if it’s some wild animal that’s waiting for a good opportunity to jump them.’ his heart started racing even faster.

 

The noise and movement grew bigger and harder to believe it was only one animal. Suddenly, they decided to jump out of the bush. Cas screamed and hid himself into Michael’s face. Few seconds pass and his chest started vibrating as he tried not to burst out laughing, Cas looked up at Michael confused as to why they haven’t been attacked yet. “Relax, it turned out they were only two bunnies fooling around and got themselves tangled in the bush. Cas was embarrassed, but soon realized he was still in Michael’s hold, with his arms now wrapped around Cas’ body.

 

He pushed himself away and cleared his throat before saying, “I think we should go back now.” Michael agreed and kept that smug smile he had on ever since Cas held onto him for dear life. They walked back in silence, not necessarily awkward, but also not so comfortable as it was half an hour ago.

 

By the time they got back, Dean was already platting their dinner. “Hey boys, how was your little adventure?” he asked mockingly. Michael started laughing again as they took their seats at the table, “shut up.” Cas hissed with a hint of embarrassment. “Did I miss out on anything?” Dean got confused by their behaviour, and kind of jealous.

 

“So we got a little further than we were planning to, and all of a sudden we hear some noises and movements coming off the nearby bushes, and then all of a sudden they decided to jump out, so Cas got scared and scream so loud with the highest pitch I’ve ever heard him make.” Michael couldn’t even finish off what he was trying to say since he couldn’t stop laughing. Cas’ face heated up again to the point where he felt tears forming at his eyes. He decided on just sucking it up and dig into his food as his stomach started rumbling and the food did look pretty good.

 

Dean wanted to laugh too, but with one glance at Cas and he knew better, he sealed his lips together to suppress his laughter, then chose to ignore how stupid his son was acting and picked up his utensils to start eating.

 

Since it was their last night, Michael tried his hardest to stay awake with them and enjoy it to the fullest, but once the clock hit 11, he almost knocked out on the couch. He bid them both a sluggish “goodnight” as he walked to his and Cas’ shared room and call it a night. To say Dean was relieved was an understatement.

 

He got off of the one seat couch and dumped himself onto the big couch and pulled Cas to him. “Get off of me, I’m mad at you.” Cas said half heartedly. Dean already figured out why, but he wanted to play along, “aww Cas, what did I do to deserve this treatment?”

 

“I saw you at the dinner table, you wanted to laugh your butt off too with him. You enjoyed him making fun of me.” he added a childish huff at the end. Dean wrapped his arms around him again and brought him in for a tight hug followed by a temple kiss, “sorry baby, I tried to hold myself back, but your reaction was priceless. Let me make it up to you.”

 

Cas was blushing at the new name, this was the first time Dean had called him “baby” and just that alone brought his mood up a few levels, but what made it even better was Dean pampering him with kisses all over his face and neck that made him giggle quietly. Then they paused to stare at each, both of their eyes wanting to take it as much of the other as possible.

 

Their lips finally touched and it felt like they’ve never kissed before, like it was their first passionate time all over again. Dean broke the kiss to flip them and have Cas be underneath him. He looked down at his lips, this time his eyes had a hint of lust, but mostly love. He leaned down and reattached their lips, this time a bit more heated. His hands went down and snaked under Cas’ shirt, one kept roaming around his stomach and chest, drawing tiny delicate circles here and there, while the other instantly went up to his left nipple to harden it right away.

 

Cas’ breath hitched and moaned as he brought his arms up around Dean’s neck to bring his face closer if that was even possible anymore. His body started heating up from having Dean’s hands run themselves all over his top body while they were still kissing. Dean decided it would be best to end it soon before things get too heated up, he nibbled at Cas’ bottom lip for the last time and finished it with suckling noise.

 

He promised himself to take things slow with Cas, they’ve barely confessed their feelings few days ago. He wasn’t sure how much Cas wanted to move on to the next stage just yet. None of those thoughts were voiced out, instead, he pulled Cas’ shirt down and propped himself up with both of his elbows at each side of Cas’ head. He continued to look down at Cas’ eyes, he was specifically mesmerized by how beautiful the shades of blue looked with just the illumination of the fireplace.   

 

Few minutes later, as much as he didn’t want to kill the mood, his bladder had a mind of it’s own. He placed a kiss onto Cas’ forehead and left to go use the restroom. Cas took that opportunity to relax himself and calm his heart down a bit. He was still trying to process the fact that he’s doing all of this with Dean. At this point, he felt really happy with his life. He smiled at his happy thoughts and stood in front of the big window.

 

Surprisingly, the forest didn’t look scary, in fact, it looked soothing and beautiful. He hugged himself as a sudden chill went down his spine. Then he felt two strong arms being brought around his his body, he leaned back against a hard yet warm chest, which right away relaxed all of his nerves. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the moment while it lasted.

 

They stayed that way until Cas heard a tiny gasp, he opened his and saw what Dean was looking at. “Look baby, it’s the first snow of the year!” Dean sounded really happy and excited for the snow. Cas had never paid much attention to snow before, but now he has a reason to love it.

 

He wished he could stay this way, in Dean’s arms, looking at the snow and hearing how excited his _lover_ gets with just the thought of it. He shut down the voices in his head and continued to enjoy it while it lasted.

  



	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHRISTMASSSSS!   
> lol I know we're in July, but this chapter takes place in December. 
> 
> Thank you all for the support!   
> as always, your kudos and feedback are very welcome :)

None of them wanted to go back to their regular lives, each one of them had fun in their own respective way, some more than the other. Cas pouted his lips as they got into Dean’s car and drove back to Lawrence.

 

Just like how they got to the cabin, Michael took up the entire back seats with his long legs covered by his favorite blanket. He laid on his back and instantly started playing with his phone once they got out of the woods and his service was on. Headphones on, music almost to the max, and he was in his own little world. Dean and Cas continued to talk throughout the car ride.

 

Half way back and Dean felt a little daring, he saw Cas’ hand supporting him as he stared out the window to enjoy whatever they passed by. He took his right hand off of the steering wheel and placed it on top of Cas’. Cas was startled at the sudden skin contact, he checked back to see if Michael had noticed anything but saw how the guy was sleeping with music blasting in his ears.

 

Instead of pushing Dean’s hand away, he pulled himself closer to Dean and interlocked their fingers together. Dean smirked at the little gesture, but didn’t take his eyes off the road. Just another reason to like baby, it lets him be as closer as he wants to Cas even while driving.

 

The ride back took a bit longer than they expected it due to the change of weather and traffic. Dean drove straight to Cas’ house to drop him off first, as much as he wanted to give him a kiss goodbye, it was best to not risk it since Michael was now wide awake and Cas’ brother might see them.

 

“Thank you for bring me with you on the trip, I had a great time.” Cas said, “You’re always welcome to join us Cas, as long as you and your brother are okay with that.” Dean replied with a smile. He got out of the car and headed towards the trunk to take out his bags.

 

He bid them both a goodbye and kept his smile on when he went inside the house. He smelled food so he went straight to the kitchen after dropping his bags in the hallway. He saw Gabriel cooking, “Hi Gabe! I’m back.” Cas beamed. Gabriel turned around and mirrored his smile, “hey baby bro, how was your trip?” they hugged, then Cas sat on one of the chairs to not disturb his brother from cooking.

 

“The trip was fantastic! I really didn’t think I could have as much as fun as I did.” he blushed as some memories of him and Dean replayed in his head, good thing his brother wasn’t facing him. “That’s awesome Cassie. I’m glad you’re feeling better too.” He smiled at his brother fondly. “Okay, go take a shower and come back down, I’m guessing you haven’t ate yet.” Cas got up, grabbed his bags and headed upstairs to his own bathroom.

 

He stripped down and hopped in the shower after adjusting the heat of the water, he stood under the water for a little bit then let the warm water take him to a different place, _somewhere even more peaceful and relaxing, but most importantly, Dean was there holding him, running his hands all over his body, kissing him softly,_ his own hands were roaming his body, with one of them move down towards his cock, but that’s not how his head was playing it for him.

 

His brain took him back to the previous night, but with a twist. Instead of just standing there staring as the first snow made its appearance, he imagined them in a more heated situation. What got him even more excited was the thought that there was someone else under the house’s roof with them, whether it was at his house with Gabriel, or back at the cabin with Michael.

 

_Dean’s hands roamed his body while he stood behind him, with one hand staying up to massage his chest, getting his nipples perkier than they already were, while the other went down to play with his nether region. Dean started stroking his cock gently and very slow at first, rubbing his thumb over Cas’ slit, precum started leaking, but that’s not what made him close his legs and rub them together to create more friction._

 

_His pussy was leaking, Dean stroked his cock one last time to move it further down to spread his legs and explore Cas’ body more, his hand moved back and forth on Cas’ pussy making him moan quietly, he couldn’t get too loud as they weren’t the only ones there. Dean started playing with his labias, moved the folds out of his way as his middle finger started massaging his actual vagina, Cas turned into a moaning mess._

 

Just when Dean was about to insert his middle finger into Cas, the water turned colder getting Cas out of imagination, but that didn’t stop his eyes being full of lust and his genitals from leaking. Once he realized he was daydreaming, he brought his hands down and started rubbing them with a sigh. He wished that all of that was real, but had to settle with stroking both his pussy and cock faster to get off his high and finish showering, he ended up moaning with a high pitch.

 

Once he got out of the shower, he felt embarrassed at his thoughts, he decided to shake them off and throw them in the darkest place of his brain, or else he won’t even be able to face brother, let alone Dean when he sees him again.

 

As for the rest of the winter break, Cas kept making excuses to go see Dean every other day, telling Gabriel that he would be playing video games or helping Michael with his homework. Gabriel never  opposed to the visits, to him, as long as his little brother was happy again and not down all the time, he was okay with them.

 

Everytime he goes over to Michael’s and Dean is there, Cas makes up excuses to be alone with Dean, even after two weeks of doing so, he was surprised Michael had not been suspect anything, with Dean grabbing or slapping his butt here, short kisses there, and brushing their fingers against some part of each other’s body as often as possible.

 

Cas wondered how much longer would it take for Michael to accidentally catch them in a moment, or for how long would they last, or even how long would they have to hide it until they get the courage to go out there and let their families know about them. It was a well known thing that society won’t accept them as not only were they both male, but the huge age gap between them. He just wished to be left alone with the person he wants to be with and not have to worry about the consequences.

 

Christmas came and they secretly shared their presents under the moonlight of Christmas Eve, Cas snuck out and climbed up to Dean’s room with the lemon tree that was next to his window. Dean was surprised when he saw him, but instantly open the window to let him in.

 

First thing they did was kiss until they felt like they couldn’t breath anymore, then Cas took out a small box wrapped up with some pretty red gift wrap. Dean took it and teared up the wrapping to reveal a small jewelry box, he opened it and found a silver necklace with a wings charm attached to it. Dean picked it out of the box to wear it right away until Cas told him to turn it around, he did as he was told and saw that their initials were engraved onto the back of the wings.

 

Dean quickly wore the necklace, then leaned forward to wrap his arms around Cas’ torso to bring him in for a loving kiss. Smiles turned into giggles, their lips connected one more time before Dean let go of Cas to bring his present for him. He opened the first drawer of his nightstand and grabbed a jewelry box of his own, “I guess we think alike.” Dean said with a small laugh. Cas took the box and opened it, he gasp as he saw what was inside; a ring that has small diamonds all around and one slightly bigger sapphire in the middle.

 

“Dean! You didn’t have to!” Cas whined and looked up at Dean with so much love in his eyes that it made Dean feel like his heart was melting. Cas wore the ring on his right hand. “I saw it at the jewelry store and it reminded of you right away because even though there are many diamonds out there in the world, you’ll always be that one sapphire that will shine the brightest out of the crowd.” Cas laughed as his cheeks started blushing, Dean wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out again, he cringe at his own cheesiness.

 

“Well there, never knew you knew how to talk this sweet.” Cas pointed out, then grabbed Dean’s face to kiss him again briefly. “Don’t feel embarrassed, I love it.” He looked down at his ring, “it looks amazing.”

  
Cas stayed for a bit longer before deciding it would be best to go back home, they laid in Dean’s bed and made out for most of the time, otherwise they were either gazing at each other while whispering sweet nothings or trying to get as close to each other as possible.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New' Years! & confessions!

For the rest of the week between Christmas and New Year’s, Dean and Cas didn’t have anytime to spend with each other. Dean was busy with work, while Cas did some homework. Every time Dean is in a meeting and instead of listening, his mind starts daydreaming about his time with Cas, he finds himself constantly holding the wings close to his lips while rubbing them with his thumb. 

 

As for Cas’ present, Gabriel furrowed his brows at him the next day and asked where he got it from, Cas didn’t know what to say at first, but soon lied and said he treated himself and that the gems were crystals instead of actual diamonds and sapphire. He was glad that his brother believed him or else he wouldn’t know how to explain that it was a gift from Dean, let alone he’s been in a somewhat romantic relationship with his best friend’s dad.

 

New Year’s Eve finally came, as much as Cas would’ve liked to go watch the fireworks with his brother and his friends, he didn’t feel like it. He wished he could go with Dean and not have to worry about anything. Even Michael had asked him if he wanted to go with him and his football team buddies, but refused to that too. 

 

No should be left alone feeling sad, especially on days like New Year’s Eve. Cas sighed and flipped to the next page of the book he was reading, he didn’t even want to look out his window and watch the fireworks anymore, ‘what’s the point of doing that if I’m not even happy?’ Cas groaned and closed his book. Once he was about to call it a night, he was startled by a knock on his balcony glass door. He felt too scared to turn around and look at who or what was knocking on it, so he waited for another one.

 

This time he was convinced that it was a human being, but that didn’t make him feel better. “Cas. Open the door!” he heard a familiar voice whine on the outside, he turned around hesitantly and his eyes widened at who it was. Cas quickly got up and unlocked the door, “What are you doing here? You scared me!” he tried to hiss at him but it sounded more happy than anything else. 

 

“I didn’t want you to be alone babe.” Dean replied before placing a big kiss onto Cas’ temple as he pulled him in for a warm hug. “And here I am thinking that people mature with age, not climb their boyfriend’s tree to get to sneak into their room.” Dean laughed wholeheartedly at that. “Yeah well. Anything for my grumpy baby” Dean replied then added another kiss. 

 

They sat up a little cocoon for themselves with blankets and pillows,  Dean laid down first with a content sigh, then gestured for Cas to come and lay down on his chest. Cas did just that, then closed his eyes to let all of that sink in and convince himself that it was all real. Just few minutes ago, he was feeling down like there’s no tomorrow, and now he’s laying down in his boyfriend’s embrace. He looked up and puckered out his lips as his way of letting Dean that he wants a kiss.

 

Their make out session was disturbed by the nearby neighbors counting down till the New Year’s, soon the sky was lit with fireworks, everyone cheering and wishing happy new year’s to their friends and loved ones, Cas and Dean shared a long kiss, “Happy New Year babe.” Dean smiled down at him, “Happy New Year Dean”. Cas pulled himself up a bit to bring down Dean’s face, he connected their lips, then pulled his head down with his teeth clasped onto Dean’s bottom lips.

 

“Ohh, someone is getting feisty here.” Dean teased once Cas let go of his lip. Cas blushed, but still felt a rush of confidence take over him, “hmm… only for you babe.” he said seductively as he threw his right leg over Dean’s body to straddle him. “I’m liking this side of you too, so sexy.” Dean moved his arms around Cas and grabbed his butt cheeks,  he squeezed them and made Cas moan quietly. 

 

Cas wiggled down onto Dean’s crotch, he felt both of their cocks hardening. As turned on as Dean was, he didn’t want to force himself onto Cas. He grabbed Cas hips to stop him from moving anymore, “Babe are you sure about this?” Cas looked down to lock their eyes together, his eyes were full of lust and neediness. “Unhh… Yes.” Cas moaned. 

 

He flipped them so he would be on top, he kissed Cas passionately as he lifted up his shirt, he brought his head down and place butterfly kisses all over his chest, then his mouth found its way to Cas’ right nipple. His hands continued roaming around until they got to his sweatpants’ waistband, Dean looked up and asked Cas again, “do you want me to continue?”, even though so far they’ve only made out and followed it by small touches, Cas was already turning into a mess. He nodded his head at Dean then moaned out a “yes”. 

 

Dean resumed to taking off Cas’ pants, Cas arched his back a bit to make it easier for Dean, he pulled his sweatpants and boxers down in one quick move, then stopped. Considering that he had never known about Cas’ body and the fact that he is a hermaphrodite, he was dumbstruck. Cas realized what was happening and to started to panic, the only person who knew about his condition was Gabriel. 

 

He pushed Dean off of him and pulled his pants up fast. His knees automatically went up and formed a ball out of himself, his arms wrapped themselves around them as he tried his hardest to hold back his tears. Dean snapped out of it once he heard the first sob, he felt so stupid, ‘how could you do that to him you fucking idiot? He doesn’t deserve to cry over his own body.’ the voice in his head started scolding him. 

 

“Cas, Babe.” he brought himself closer to Cas, “hey, look at me, please.” Dean wrapped his hands on each side of Cas’ face, then wiped his tears away with his thumb. “Babe, why are you crying?” he kissed his nose then put their foreheads together. Cas started crying hysterically by that point, “p… please leave…” Dean looked hurt and confused. “I should’ve told you earlier…. I’m so sorry…. Please…. Just please leave”  He tried to push Dean away, but his wrist were caught. 

 

“Cas….Cas, babe. Would you just listen for a second?” Dean said as he pushed Cas back down onto the blankets and straddle him. He waited for Cas to calm down a bit and look him in the eyes, “first, are you okay?” he asked worriedly. Cas took a deep breath then nodded his head. “Oh baby… why would you think I’d ever leave you? For being different?” he kissed Cas’ knuckles. Few tears slipped out of Cas’ eyes. 

 

“Babe, from the moment I realized how beautiful you are, I instantly fell in love with you. Yes, Cas. I love you.” now it was Cas’ turn to be shocked. “Just because you were born different and that I have just now discovered that, doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop loving you. In fact, it’s another reason to love you even more.” Dean sealed that with a passionate kiss. Cas started sobbing again, but kissed back. 

 

Dean laid down next to Cas and brought him really close to his chest. Both of their erections long forgotten. Cas waited few more minutes for his tears to stop and heart to calm down, he picked his head up off of Dean’s chest and looked him in the eyes, “were you serious just now?.... About… loving me?” he was pretty sure that his cheeks were red not because of the weather, but because of how heated his head had gotten. 

 

“Yes! A thousand time yes!” Cas leaned his head down and planted a kiss onto Dean’s lips. “If I could scream out that I love you to the world, I definitely would Cas. You don’t understand how relieved I am to finally say this to you.” a tear rolled off his eye. 

 

“Thank you, Dean…. I can’t express how much better that just made me feel.” He laid back down and placed his head on top of Dean’s chest where his heart is. The soothing sound of his heartbeats made his own relax. 

 

Long after the fireworks ended and people started calming down, Cas and Dean were still laying down in his balcony, surrounded by soft and warm pillows and blankets. Small kisses were shared. Dean was Cas’ own personal heater, the soothing sound of his heart as well as the warmth coming off of his lover made him doze off. 

 

Dean stayed until it was almost morning, now that they’ve almost crossed another boundary, he promised himself to show Cas how much he loves him. The weather started getting even colder and he didn’t want to wake Cas up, so he picked him up bridal style and placed him onto his bed. He knew his brother might be coming anytime soon and possibly check on his little brother. 

 

He picked up all the blankets and pillows and folded them before placing them back onto the empty racks inside Cas’ closet. He kissed Cas’ lips goodbye, then he climbed the tree back down to head home. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUTTTTT!!!!!
> 
> thank you all for the love! welcome to the new readers! all of you guys rock! :D
> 
> your feedback is always welcome.

It has been almost two months since Cas and Dean started secretly dating. Instead of just sneaking into each other’s bedrooms, they started driving to places where pretty much no one knows them. One day they’d drive to the other side of town and make out in Dean’s car at some empty park, other times, they would drive to the next city and act as if they were father and son until they would be left alone.

 

But all of this sneaking around wasn’t working so well when it came to Gabriel. He knew his brother too well to realize that he was lying, most of the time he would just shrug it off and tell himself that that’s what teenagers do. He just hopes that one day Cas would finally decided it’s time for his brother to know what was going on in his life.

 

Cas also felt guilty for using Michael as an excuse to see Dean, whether he told Gabriel that he’s going to Michael’s house to help him with his homework, but in reality Michael was at baseball practice, or he would use the same lie on Michael, telling him he’s hanging out with Gabriel. The more he thought about it, the more sad and anxious it made him.

 

But no matter how far his thoughts take him, he still did it anyway. This weekend was no exception from any other day Cas had lied to his brother. He told Gabriel that he’s sleeping over at Michael’s house. It wasn’t technically a lie, but he never mentioned that Michael himself wasn’t going to be present at his house as he is away on a tournament.

 

Gabriel dropped him off Friday night, Cas waved him goodbye with a bright smile. Once he couldn’t see the car anymore, he ran to the front door. Before he could register what was going on, he felt an arm pull him inside and gently push him against the door once it closed. Lips attacking his own with arms circling his torso, duffle bag long forgotten.

 

Dean pressed himself even closer to Cas and rubbed their groins together. Cas moaned against his lips. He grabbed Cas by his thighs and let them secure themselves around his waist. He carried him upstairs to his bedroom, almost knocking everything on their way up while still kissing, neither one wanted to end it.

 

Once they got to Dean’s bedroom, he laid Cas down on his bed. Before doing anything else, he broke the kiss and looked at Cas in his eyes. “Are you sure you want to continue?” it was best to ask for his consent before anything. Cas smiled at how loving Dean was being to him, “yes.”

 

Dean took off his shirt before moving back down, he kissed Cas again as his hands roamed down to pull up his shirt. It was pulled high enough for Dean to bring his head down and start placing soft gentle kisses all over his torso.

 

Cas’ breath hitched when he felt Dean’s tongue circle over his nipple. Dean pulled his shirt off before leaning his head back down to swirl his tongue around it, then gently tugged it with his teeth once they hardened.

Cas bit his hand to keep himself from moaning. Dean pull it away from his face and kissed him right away. “Don’t hold yourself back, love. There’s no one here to hide your moans away from, and neither do I want you too.” he sucked at Cas’ chest, leaving a red mark there.

 

Dean’s hands went down to Cas’ pants, he unbuckled his belt, then slowly started taking them off completely, but leaving on his boxer briefs. He didn’t want Cas to regret completely showing himself off if he wanted to stop midway, but he still stroked Cas’ cock through it.

 

He brought his head down to level it with where his hand was at, “Tell me whenever you want me to stop.” Cas replied with a moan and a back arch just when Dean placed a kiss onto his Cock. He felt like cumming already just with the thought of having Dean doing that to him _in real life._

 

Dean took off his boxers and started teasing Cas’ head with his thumb. He smirked at the moaning mess that’s underneath him, then proceed to lean down and kiss the tip, then twirled his tongue around it with precum leaking.

 

He took in Cas’ cock and started bobbing his head. He knew Cas wouldn’t last that long and next thing you know. Cas came with a high pitched moan. He started debating whether he should’ve gotten himself off too or not, but was brought back to reality when he heard a shy yet sexy “more” being moaned out of Cas’ mouth.

 

Dean thought he was imagining things, but as Cas pulled his face up to his and then attaching their lips conformed it. “Dean…. Please, more.” another kiss was shared before Dean reached for his nightstand.

 

He pulled open the first drawer and took out a condom and a bottle of lube. He wasn’t sure if he actually needed the lube considering how wet Cas already was. He opened the condom and rolled it onto his cock, giving it few strokes before moving back between Cas’ legs.

 

Cas stiffened when he finally realized how far along they’ve gotten. He felt scared, but at the same time he didn’t want to stop. Dean noticed and started massaging his inner thighs while assuring him that it will be okay, and that he’s there for him. After all, he cared too much about Cas to not force him into doing anything he didn’t want to do.

 

Once Cas evened his heartbeats, he nodded to let Dean resume. Dean spread his legs more and pushed himself closer to Cas’ pussy, his tip was aligned with it. He looked up at Cas again. Once Cas nodded, he pushed cock in, and with one go, he was balls deep.

 

Cas felt like the life was sucked out of him as tears started running down his face. He never knew losing his virginity was going to hurt this much. As much as Dean wanted to panic at that very moment, he couldn’t. He wished he could undo what he just did so Cas won’t be in any pain whatsoever.

 

“Shhh Cas, baby. It’s okay. Just relax.” Dean didn’t move in fear of hurting him more. He wished his cock wouldn’t throb as much, but he couldn’t help it with how tight Cas was, on top of him squeezing his muscles.

 

After few more minutes, Dean’s legs were getting tired of being in the same position so he tried to move without having to take out his cock. The sudden move made Cas tense up a bit, “I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?” Dean wanted to smack himself.

 

Except this time instead of whimpering, Cas moaned. His body relaxing instantly again. That was one of the most confusing moments in Dean’s life. He wasn’t sure if he was hurting or pleasuring Cas.

 

“Again..” Cas moaned. He felt like a pleasurable electric shock went up his spine.  “Fuck me, Dean.” that simple statement went right down to Dean’s cock.

 

He slowly rocked his hips back and forth, every time making Cas’ stiff hard cock to move along with it. Dean gradually sped up his thrusts. He made it his mission to find Cas’ A-spot. He was determined to spend the whole night pleasuring Cas as much as his body possibly could.

 

Not even five minutes later, Cas screamed out the loudest moan of the night. “Ahhhh right there! Hit it again! Fuck me, Dean! Fuck me!” Cas took advantage of that rush of confidence he had suddenly.

 

Turned on wasn’t even the right word to describe how Dean felt at that very moment. He thrusted even faster than before, making sure to hit his spot every time.

 

Few more thrusts and both were moaning each other’s names out loud. As Dean felt himself reaching his climax, he grabbed Cas’ cock with one hand while the other still grabbing onto his hips. He stroked him in sync with his thrusts.

 

“Dean!” Cas moaned one last time before spilling his cum over Dean’s hand and his own chest. His pussy squirting all over Dean’s condom covered cock at the same time as he filled it with his cum.

 

Dean fell next to Cas, both exhausted. He tried to pull out as gentle as possible, too scared to hurt Cas again. Both whimpering, Dean at the heat loss around his cock, and Cas at the loss inside him.

 

He sat up and walked over to the trashcan to throw away his used condom. Dean then grabbed a clean towel to wipe his hand and cock with it, then walked back to the bed and wiped off Cas with it carefully. Once he was done, he threw it to who knows where.

 

Cas had never felt so sore and tired. He had a hard time evening out his heartbeats, but that didn’t stop him from turning towards Dean. “That was….” He gulped, Dean was preparing himself for the worst. “Amazing.” Cas smiled and pulled him in for a smile.

 

“Good thing tomorrow is Saturday. I don’t think I could walk anytime soon. I thought I can’t get any more sore than when I had to run a mile for P.E., but this is a whole other level of soreness.” Dean cracked up at that.

 

“Words can’t describe how much I love you, Cas.” he kissed him, then placed their foreheads together. That seemed to content Cas. he replied with “I love you too, Dean.” then turned towards Dean against his achness.

  
Dean pulled the blanket over the both of them, then put one arm around Cas pulling him closer to his chest, while letting his other one be his pillow. Few more kisses and sweet nothings were shared before they fell asleep satisfied with where they’re at in their lives.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the first part! stay tuned for the next one once I finish it :)

The morning after their first time wasn’t so easy for Cas. He felt like his pussy was ripped apart, but he didn’t regret a bit of what happened the previous night. If anything, they ended up having another round at noon. 

 

The rest of that weekend was spent inside. Dean didn’t want to overwork Cas in fear something might actually happen to him. When Sunday came, just few hours before Dean went to pick up Michael, he dropped Cas off at his house. 

 

He wished he could kiss him goodbye, but both were worried about Gabriel seeing them. He never wanted Cas to leave his side. 

 

Few weeks later, they wanted to have a date, but didn’t know where to go. Cas took the chance that Gabriel had to work during the weekend to go out with Dean. He wasn’t too happy about doing so, but at least he didn’t have to lie as long as he went back before Gabriel made it home.

 

Dean parked near by an empty park,  _ again. _ They were in the middle of a make out session in the back seats of the impala when Dean stopped, he could sense that Cas wasn’t with him anymore, at least mentally. 

 

“What’s wrong babe?” Cas got confused, “nothing, why?” he tried to pull Dean back down, but Dean sat up and pulled Cas with him. “I don’t feel like you’re here with me now, what’s on my baby’s mind that’s making him anxious?” 

 

No matter how many times Dean would call him “baby”, he would always blush over and over again. “ I’m just thinking about us and where we are at right now.” 

 

Cas took a deep breath before continuing, “ I know we haven’t been dating for that long, but the more we hide it, the more anxious it makes me feel. To me, there’s nothing wrong with our love, but we can’t just live in our own little world when there’s a whole society out there that’s against our relationship, let alone not knowing the reaction we would get if we would ever decide to let Gabriel and Michael know.” both of them paused.

 

“ I have no doubt in loving you Dean, but if this isn’t gonna last for long, I’m not sure that I would want to continue with it, or even let anyone know it ever happened in the first place.” Cas’ brain was working ten times faster than before, his thoughts were clogging up his brain again and many “what ifs..” moved to the front of his head. 

 

Dean looked at him with a hurt expression. He agreed with everything Cas had just said to him,  except now he had his own doubts and “what ifs”, he’s the older one and should know better than acting like that, but he couldn’t help himself. 

 

“Cas.” he grabbed Cas by his shoulders and turned both of their bodies to face each other. “I understand that you’re under a lot of pressure and that all of this might make you rethink your decision of being with me. As much as it hurts me to say this, but if you feel like you don’t want to continue what we have so far, I understand. You’re a very good looking guy, you’re young, smart, and mature. So if you would….. You know….” 

 

Now it was Cas’ turn to get confused. Dean wasn’t making that much sense to him anymore, but he could definitely sense the distress that’s coming off of him. “If you would… want to break up with me, then I’ll let-” Cas couldn’t take it anymore. 

 

He smacked their lips together to shut him up. He felt like Dean was just being irrational. He didn’t want to hear what else Dean had to say. He broke the kiss and said, “you’re stupid.” followed by a quiet giggle, “we’re both stupid.” another kiss was place onto Dean’s lips.

 

“I love you Dean, therefore I’m gonna fight for our love to blossom.” Dean smiled softly at that, “I love you too, Castiel”.

 

Cas was pretty aware of how slow their relationship was moving compared to the ones he hears about, but he was also aware that if anybody finds out and isn’t going to support them, they’re screwed. He would rather have his lover by his side instead of never being able to visit him from behind bars. 

 

He didn’t want to think of all the negativity that would follow them, so he pulled Dean in and tucked his head on top of Dean’s after placing a kiss to it. This is his life and this was his decision to make. No one can change his mind no matter what.

 

Dean on the other hand felt at ease. Considering he is the older person, with more responsibilities. For once in his life, he felt like he could fully rely on someone. The more time he spends with Cas, the more he realizes how strong their bond actually is, and so he takes a deep breath then buries his head even further into Cas’ neck, hoping to get some shut eye for few minutes. 

 

________________________________

 

Cas ended up being dropped off few blocks away from his house, just in case  Gabriel got off work early. Knowing Cas’ luck with lying, it was true. He saw his brother’s car parked in the garage. 

 

The house was extremely quiet, it was odd compared to how it is any other day. Cas gulped once he spotted Gabriel sitting in the living room with the T.V. off. The air in the room was suffocating. 

 

“Cas,” Gabriel tried to keep himself as calm as possible, “could come here please?” his body didn’t move an inch.

 

That simple request made Cas anxious. He didn’t know what to do, but he knew that he had to obey his older brother, and so he went and sat down at the opposite couch from Gabriel. “Y-Yes, Gabe?” another gulp, he felt like he didn’t have anymore saliva to wet his throat anymore. 

 

“How long?” Cas’ heart drop, but tried to act normal, “what…. Do you mean how long?” a fake little smile on his face.

 

“Castiel, I will not tolerate anymore lying from you! How long have you and that filthy son of a bitch been sleeping around?” to say Gabriel was furious wasn’t the right word, outraged was more like it.

 

Cas flinched at his tone, he hasn’t seen his brother this upset in  _ years.  _ He didn’t know what to say, but what made it worse was that he felt like he couldn’t move an inch of his body. 

 

“Do I need to repeat myself to you?” Gabriel finally made eye contact with Cas, just when he thought he couldn’t get more scared, now he felt like pissing himself. 

 

“I’m not with anyone...” he lowered his gaze. 

 

“Did I not make myself clear or what? Who are you trying to lie to? I saw you with my own eyes!” he couldn’t believe that Cas was still lying to him. “In case you’ve forgotten, I work with parks recreation companies, and that park you and that….. Filthy…. Disgusting man just so happened to be there!” now there was no way of denying it. 

 

Cas was hurt, he knew his brother would have a negative reaction considering the age gap, but he didn’t think that it would turn out to be this bad. His words were cutting deep through his heart. Dean isn’t filthy or disgusting. He just happened to fall in love with someone younger than him, what’s wrong with that? 

 

“He’s not who you think he is.” no matter the consequence, there he was, defending Dean. 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually spent time with my family today! We haven't done that in ages... sorry this chapter took longer than usual.  
> anyway, enjoy the rest of the previous chapter lol

“He… He’s not?” Gabriel threw his head back and inhaled deeply, “Cas, you’ve been lying to me for the past two to three months so you could screw around with a guy that’s twice your age. That’s my fucking problem Cas!” 

 

Cas couldn’t keep his tears from falling anymore. All of that and his brother’s words were getting the best of him. A pang of guilt hit Gabriel, he never wanted to be this harsh on his brother. His happiness was important, but so was his safety and health. 

 

“Did he force you into this?” Gabriel tried to sound calm, but just the thought of someone hurting his brother made his blood boil again. 

 

“No! What makes you think that? If anything I made the first move!” now was Cas’ turn to sound made, but he ended up blushing. 

 

“Does his son know?” if he did then Gabriel had nothing to say to his brother anymore.

 

“No, oh God, No!” Cas shook his head so fast, he started feeling dizzy. 

 

Then the awkward silence fell upon them. Neither Cas or Gabriel knew what to say to the other.  

 

“Why Cas?” Gabriel started tearing up. “Why him and not someone your age? How did all of this even happen?” He had a lot of questions waiting to be answered, but didn’t know where to start.

 

Cas took a deep breath, “remember that one weekend when I went to Michael’s house, and when you picked me up, you asked me if I was alright?” Gabriel nodded slowly, trying to remember. 

 

“ well… that was the weekend when…. I didn’t know what got onto me, but I kind of just pushed myself onto him when Michael wasn’t around. He tried to stop and not continue on with it, but I kind of kept trying to kiss him.”

 

Gabriel was in a brief state of shock, “continue…”

 

“After that, I kept avoiding him. I didn’t sleep over at Michael’s, and kept my distance from him too.” another gulp, “then one day, he came and asked me to go on that winner trip with them, and I instantly said yes without thinking of the consequences.”  

 

Cas sobbed, “ why him? Because he makes me feel loved and like I actually matt. I’m a fucking loner at school, or anywhere else for that matter. I’m not even sure why Michael is friends with me to this day.“

 

“Does he know about you?” He sounds a bit more gentle than before.

 

“Yes….” Cas blushed, “we’ve had sex.” he answered honestly. 

 

Gabriel’s hands were turning a different color from how hard he squeezed them shut. “Go to your room, Castiel. I don’t want to discuss this with you anymore.” 

 

Cas hated that his brother was calling him by his full name. He nodded and went upstairs to his room. He changed his clothes and laid on his bed, for a brief second he regret his decisions, ‘what the hell are you thinking? You can’t be serious.’ 

 

Not until few hours later, when his stomach couldn’t handle being empty anymore, did he get up to go eat. Once he reached the stairs, he heard some low cries. 

 

He slowly and quietly walked close to the kitchen. His thoughts were confirmed, Gabriel was crying, but was holding the two rings hanging off his necklace that he wore at all times. 

 

His heart shattered once realization hit him, those two rings belong to their late parents. The cries got a bit louder as Gabriel talked, “what should I do? What would you do mom?” Gabriel kissed the ring with a diamond on it. 

 

“Have I been this much of a bad, neglecting asshole of a brother to him, that I had no idea he was throwing his future away?” his words had yet again pierced through Cas’ heart. 

 

“ I can’t let this happen mom, but at the same time, I can’t see him hurt. Not again, I can’t. He hasn’t been this happy in so long. Mom, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have went that night. You could’ve been alive.” 

 

Cas was sad for his brother more than himself, but he was also confused. What did Gabriel mean by  _ again _ ? He can’t even remember how his parents had died, or what happened to his memory. ‘Did he lie to me all these years? No, this can’t be possible.’ 

 

He felt suffocated just standing there. Cas didn’t know if he should go hug Gabriel or run away from him. Unfortunately, he chose the latter. He quickly wore his shoes and ran out the door as fast as his legs could go. 

 

Gabriel yelled out for him to come back, at first sounding mad, but soon the screams changed to dispersion. He didn’t want to lose another person due to his decisions. 

 

As much as he wanted to run after him, he had an idea of where he would go to. They both needed some time off of each other. 

 

Cas kept running until he found himself in front of Dean’s house. He almost knocked on the door, but then remembered Michael, so he walked around the house until he got to Dean’s window. 

 

He climbed up the tree and knocked on his window. Few more knocks and Dean opened his window sleepily. “Cas? What are you doing here?” his eyebrows furrowed once he noticed the dried tears on Cas’ face, new ones made their way out of his eyes just by hearing Dean’s voice. 

 

Dean helped him in, then hugged him tightly, whispering reassuring words in his ear. Cas clung onto his shirt for dear life, wetting it with his tears while still trying to hold himself back from crying too loud to not wake Michael up. 

 

Dean then pulled him to sit on his bed, he squatted down and held Cas’ hands. Bringing his knuckles close to his mouth and giving them each a soft kiss. “You’re okay baby. I won’t let anything hurt you.” more sweet words were thrown at Cas. 

 

After few minutes, Cas seemed to relax, sobs turned into tiny hiccups. Dean gave him one last kiss on his hand before getting up and leaving the room, only to be back few more minutes with a glass full of water. 

 

Cas took the glass and thanked him quietly, he placed it onto the nightstand before sitting there in silence. Dean let him take his time, but couldn’t help himself asking, “do you want to talk about it?” Cas replied with a head shake, he didn’t even know what he was upset about anymore. 

 

“Alright, let's go to sleep then, and in the morning if you feel like it. I’ll be right here to listen to you.” Cas nodded and took his shoes off. Dean pulled the covers away in the process, laid both of their bodies down, before covering their bodies with the light blanket. 

  
“Sleep well, babe.” Dean whispered before placing a kiss to the back of Cas’ neck. Cas curled himself up and pushed his back further until it was right against Dean’s chest. He closed his eyes and let the warmth coming off of Dean take him to a different place, where he felt happy and safe without any worries.


	15. Chapter 15

The next morning was very quiet, not necessarily comfortable silence, but better than waking up to yelling. Cas had just woken up when he felt a body slip back under the covers and spoon him from behind again.

 

Even though he was still a little disoriented, he knew who those strong arms belong to. Cas cracked a smile as few wet kisses were placed on his neck, behind his ears, shoulders and cheek.

 

Dean turned him around and smirked at how much Cas was blushing. He was mostly glad that his baby wasn't a crying mess anymore. “Stop, I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.” Cas whined and tried to cover his mouth with his forearm when he leaned his head closer to kiss him on the lips.

 

“So? I don’t care.” he removed Cas’ arm and kissed him passionately. Soon things started heating up, one thing led to another, then Cas found himself naked trying to even his breath under Dean.

 

Dean moved his head down towards Cas cock, placing kisses all over his upper body along the way. Once he put his mouth around it, he noticed how quiet Cas was trying to be, and guess it was probably to not wake Michael up.

 

He removed his hand and said, “ moan as loud as you want, Michael isn’t home and won’t be until later tonight.” Cas wanted to know how or why Michael wasn’t home, but soon was couldn’t think of anything other than pleasure.

 

Dean bobbed his head up and down, licking and swallowing all the precum, one hand holding onto the base to not let him cum so quick, while the other was massaging his pussy.

 

Few more minutes of teasing and Cas’ moans couldn’t get any louder, Dean was fingering him while sucking as much of Cas’ cock as he can.

 

Cas was getting close to cumming, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead, heartbeats fastening, cum leaking from both places.

 

“I-I-I’m so- close.” Cas managed to sound out through his moans, Dean took his mouth off of Cas’ cock with a pop. He kissed Cas while his hands were still working down south. Both hands moving at the same pace.

 

Cas couldn’t hold it anymore, Dean was too good at it. He closed his eyes, arched his back and came all over Dean’s hand, some of it hitting his own chin. His pussy squirted even harder, wetting Dean’s other hand.

 

Dean took out his fingers and slapped his pussy with it. He brought it up to his mouth and suck on his own fingers. Cas moaned at the scene before him.

 

“You taste so good baby.” Dean growled happily at that. As embarrassing as it was, he couldn’t let Cas know that he jizzed his pants untouched. He never knew that Cas would have that effect on him.

 

He picked Cas up, let his legs wrap themselves around his waist, then walked towards his bathroom. “A good shower won’t hurt.” he said to Cas then placed a kiss onto his plump lips. Dean believed he found his new addiction.

 

They washed themselves off. Cas wore one of Dean’s boxers and one of his over sized t-shirts. Halfway through breakfast, someone knocked on their front door.

 

Cas panicked, partially because he was almost naked. “I’ll get that, you keep eating.” Dean told him with a temple kiss.

 

One second he was playing happy couple with Cad and the next he’s getting punched in the face. “Where’s my brother you fucker?” Gabriel screamed at him.

 

Cas ran to the front door and gasped once he saw Dean being held by his collar. “Let him go, Gabe!” he tried to break them off.

 

“What the hell is going on?” He turned to Cas, who looked like he was about to start crying again, then back to Gabriel. Things started clicking, and if he was honest, he did fear for his life for a second.

 

“You of all people is asking that? You’re the fucking problem pervert! What have you done to my brother?” Gabriel wanted to swing at him again, but Dean was faster and caught his hand. He pulled him in and closed the door behind him so that no neighbors would butt in.

 

“I’m guessing you know about us” he took a deep breath. “We need to discuss this like adults.”

 

“I’m not here to discuss anything with you. I came to get my brother and leave.” he tried to grabbed Cas’ wrist as if he wanted to pull him outside with him.

 

Dean didn’t mean to push Gabriel too harshly off of Cas, but he had to. “No you’re not. Over my dead body would I let you take him away after the mess he was yesterday because of you!”

 

He was fuming, this wasn’t the guy Cas always talked so passionately about, he was being a dickhead. “And just exactly who are you to keep me away from my brother?”

 

Cas grew tired of being tossed in between his boyfriend and brother, “can you two just shut up already!” both were surprised by the sudden outburst. “And sit down!” he pointed at the couches.

Both yet again felt the need to obey. He looked down at them like a parent scolding his kids. “Did it ever occur to either of you that it’s MY decision to make?” Gabriel seemed like he wanted to say something, but was shushed by Cas.

 

“I’m not done.” he inhaled deeply, “Gabriel, we have a lot to talk about, but that’s for a different time. As for my relationship with Dean, I won’t give it up. Not now, not ever. He completes me. I know this is cliche and might sound stupid to say this early, but I see myself spending the rest of my life with him, Gabe. Why would I give that up? Because society says so? Because the people around us won’t accept us? Well that’s a bit redundant, don’t you think?”

 

He tried to calm himself again, after all, Gabriel was still his older brother who he respects and loves dearly. “Please don’t make me choose between you two Gabe, please!” he stood there, tears rolling down his cheeks with his shoulders hunched.

 

Dean wanted to get up and make Cas feel better, but he felt like he was glued to his seat. He didn’t want to interfere between the brothers any further. He felt like it wasn’t his place to stay there at the time being.

 

So he got up, grabbed Cas’ face and kissed him for few seconds. “I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me babe, okay?” Cas nodded at him as he left the living room.

 

There was a blanket of awkward silence between the two brothers. Gabriel felt dumb, he knew he over reacted to the whole situation and said few things that were harsh to his brother, but deep down, he wanted the best for him, and if this means staying in a relationship with a man that’s twice his age, then so be it.

 

“I’m sorry.” he cleared his throat. Cas was confused, “what?”

 

“I said I’m sorry, okay?” Gabriel fidgeted in his seat. “ I might’ve overreacted a little bit. I didn’t mean to be this rude to you and your… boyfriend, I guess, but I couldn’t help it. You’re my baby brother, and no matter what you say, you will always be, and if this truly means to let you be with him. Then I’ll try my best to butt out of your business.” a tear dropped down his cheek.

 

Cas was dumbstruck, but so happy that he threw his arms around Gabriel’s neck and buried his face into his chest. His tiny sobs turned into loud crying. “Shh, just let it all out, honey bee.” Gabriel stroked his arm up and down his back.

 

Few minutes had passed and he was curled up in his brother’s lap like a baby. Cas felt like he was five all over again. Just them two, alone in this world. Except this time, they’re really not alone. Cas felt like Dean was his spine in that situation.

 

Gabriel place a kiss onto Cas’ temple, he held him closer and whispered to him, “I love you more than anything in this world, baby brother.”

 

“I love you too, Gabe.” Cas whispered back. He got up and pulled Gabriel along with him towards the kitchen.

 

“Well… I’m sure you two have met each other before,” Cas said sarcastically with an eyeroll, “Gabriel, this is Dean; my boyfriend.” he pointed at Dean, “Dean, this is Gabriel; my older brother.”

 

The two older men tried to stayed mad, but couldn’t with the way things were. To say that around half an hour ago, they were at each other’s necks.

 

Dean extended his right arm out to shake his hand, “nice meeting you I’m guessing.” he said with a small smile.

 

“Same goes for you. Sorry about earlier, I took it a bit too far,” his smile than changed to a smirk as he squeezed Dean’s hand hard, “but if you ever feel like hurting him, I’ll do much worse.”

 

“Okay! Let go of each other, that’s enough!” Cas got in between and playfully broke their handshake. He then proceed to secure himself in between Dean’s legs.

 

Dean place his arms around Cas’ body and resting them just right above his butt. Gabriel noticed how dreamy his eyes looked whenever he stared at Cas. he then looked away to give them a bit of privacy as they kissed.

 

It was a quick and soft kiss, they didn’t want Gabriel to feel anymore awkward. He cleared his throat and them that he and Cas should get going.

 

Cas whined and told him that he would get back by himself later, but Gabriel resisted, “no Cas, we have to go. After all his son doesn’t know about you two’s relationship. Plus you’re wearing his clothes and kind of are half naked.” he glared at his legs.

 

The shirt was just covering his ass, Dean pulled the shirt down for him and turned into protective mode, “hey, keep your eyes off of him, he’s mine.”

 

“Ohh gross! He’s my brother, you idiot!” Gabriel made a disgusted face at him.

 

Dean smirked and kissed Cas again, this time way more passionate than before. “Well then, if you excuse us for few minutes.” He then got off the high chair and took Cas upstairs with him.

 

Once they were in his room, Cas bent down to pick up his clothes, Dean saw the opportunity and slapped his hard.

 

Cas yelped and moaned at once. He bit his lips and turned towards Dean, then placed a wet kiss onto his lips.

 

“God, you’re so fucking hot.” Dean growled, he grabbed each of Cas’ ass cheeks in his hands, “the way you were swaying that round little ass of yours in my shirt. Fuck!” Cas hit his chest playfully as he was blushing like there was no tomorrow.

 

“Stop! I can’t go home horny.” Cas pushed himself away softly and put his legs through his pants. As much as  they both didn’t want to be apart for now, Cas had to go. Gabriel was right.

  
They shared another kiss, then went down stairs so Cas and his brother could finally go to their house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for your feedbacks and kudos!  
> they're always welcome :)


	16. Chapter 16

The drive home and the first few hours at home were very quiet. Both brothers were nervous to talk to each other for different reasons.

 

Cas went up to his room and did some homework, he used it as an excuse to avoid his brother for a bit and let the both of them relax from emotional roller coaster they just went through.

 

Gabriel on the other hand was very anxious, he finally decided that Cas was old enough to know his deepest darkest secret that he has been hiding for years.

 

All these years he was afraid of what his brother might think of him, Cas considered him a role model growing up, and possibly still does. He realized now that he has Dean, he could easily leave him and never come back.

 

“What are you making?” Gabriel jumped when he heard Cas’ voice. He realized that the food is all ready.

 

Gabriel took a deep breath, “just finishing up the pasta sauce, why don’t you sit down? I just need to plate them.” Cas nodded his head and took a seat on one of the chairs.

 

Dinner was fine, except for the silence that was suffocating the two of them, but neither one knew how to break it, in fear of saying something that might hurt the other.

 

Once they were done, Cas helped him wash the dishes and put them away once they dried off. He was almost by the stairs once he heard Gabriel call his name, “yes,Gabe?”

 

“Did you finish all of your homework?” he asked nervously. Cas furrowed his brows, “yeah, I didn’t have that much.”

 

“Okay, cool. Uhmm… Can we go sit down… I-I… have something I need to tell you…” Gabriel rubbed his hands together quite roughly, Cas was getting worried at how anxious his brother looked. “Yeah. Sure….” he replied back not knowing what else to say.

 

The two brothers both sat down at the big couch that’s opposite from the T.V.

 

Gabriel didn’t know where to start, he felt like his tongue was tied and he’s 18 years old all over again. Sitting in the waiting area just outside the emergency room.

 

“Gabe, are you okay?” he didn’t even realize that Cas was sitting so close to hit, trying to shake him out of his flashback.

 

“Can’t say I am kiddo.” Gabriel said with a sad smile, then he inhaled deeply before starting, “I know I overreacted this past few days-” Cas wanted to cut him off, but he put up his hand to stop him from saying anything.

 

“Just hear me out till the end please.” Cass nodded, “ I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry about that. I am aware that you’ve always considered me to be your hero, the one who takes care of you all the time and what not, but that’s because it’s all my fault.”

 

Cas furrowed his brows in confusion, he licked his suddenly dry lips and continued, “I’ve hidden the truth from you for so long, and I did promise myself to never mention it ever again…. But I believe that you’re old enough to know about what happened to our parents.”

 

His eyes were getting watery, he didn’t know if it was because of how Cas had visibly stiffened, or his vivid memories of the unfortunate event. Now that the cat’s out of the bag he couldn’t just brush it off and tell his brother it’s nothing, he had to tell him.

 

“When I was exactly your age, I did a lot of the usually things that a douchebag teenager would do: drugs, alcohol, sex with different people, and even sometimes disobeying our parents. It never occurred to me that I would one day regret doing all of that. I was very carefree, mom always tried to talk me out of it, but I never listened.” He paused and closed his eyes as a tear rolled down.

 

“One day, mom told me to not go to wherever I was going, but again, I didn’t listen and walked out the door screaming ‘I hate you’ at her face before slamming the door behind me. A pang of guilt hit me right in my heart throughout the night, so I decided to drink it off. I thought drinking was going to make everything better, but that wasn’t the case. My girlfriend at that time wasn’t so much into partying, but for some reason she was there. I tried to steady my steps up to her, only to realize another guy had beat me to her. Wrapping his arms around her waist, whispering things in her ears then placing a kiss onto her cheek.”

 

Cas didn’t know where that was going, but he was already feeling bad for his brother. He didn’t know if his mother had ever told him anything about all of this. In fact, he barely remembers his parents now that he thought about it.

 

“ I rushed towards them and snached her away from him by her forearm. She was surprised for a split second before turning back to that guy and passionately kissing him right on his lips, both rocking a smirk. I felt disgusted, like I wanted to vomit so bad, and so I walked away, I went to one of the open restrooms and puked my guts out. Everytime I tried to stop, just the thought of her kissing another guy made me dry heave.”

 

Gabriel paused and looked down at the carpet as if he was reliving it all over again, “I knew I should’ve stopped there, but I didn’t. I went out to where the druggies were. Some were sniffing cocaine off of the glass table, others rolling and smoking the biggest blunts. I sat down with them and rolled up my own blunt, with just one inhale, I was sent to a different universe. I finished a joint, then another. Until I passed out and no one was able to wake me up.”

 

It pains him to talk about it out loud, let alone to his younger brother who had always looked up to him, he felt like Cas really shouldn’t choose him as his role model, if anything, he should’ve despise him. Gabriel felt like a hypocrite talking to him about it considering just few hours ago he was lashing out at his boyfriend.

 

“ Next thing I knew, I was in the back seat of Dad’s car. My head was spinning of all the screams. Our parents were arguing about me and my behaviours. I heard mom saying I was wrong for doing those things, while dad raising his voice even more, telling her that they should’ve left me there to rotten. The yelling continued until dad stopped paying attention to the road. Neither the weather or the traffic was helping the situation. The-….” his breath hitched, Gabriel could feel his heartbeats going out of order.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cliffhanger-ish? yeap.
> 
> thank you for your feedback and kudos!   
> they're always welcome :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part II
> 
> I just wanna clear something, there will NOT be any incest rape. Gabriel is just a loving brother, and you'll find out why they're so close.
> 
> as always, thank you for reading! all your feedbacks and kudos are very much welcome :)

Cas had an idea what Gabriel was about to tell him, but still hoped for the best. Except the good news never came that night, “ the car swerved when dad wasn’t looking. It hit another one, our car flipped and landed upside down. All I remember was screaming ‘mom’ and ‘dad’, neither one of them answered. Soon my body couldn’t take it anymore and I went unconscious.” tears were falling down his face faster than a waterfall.

 

“I woke up two days later to you sleeping peacefully next to me. At first I couldn’t remember anything, but soon as I realized where we were at, I pressed the button to call for a nurse or a doctor. A nurse came in fast, soon followed by another one and a doctor. One of them carried you to a small bed I guessed they provided you to sleep on.”

 

His little brother looked sad, tears threatening to drop. “The doctor asked me the usual questions they ask any patient once they wake up, but I didn’t care about any of that. I wanted to know where our parents were, the doctor looked troubled, as he himself didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to believe it. It was all my fault Cas. I’m so sorry. I killed them, Cas! I’m so so sorry!” Gabriel turned hysterical.

 

He couldn’t hold himself back any longer, he blamed himself for his parent’s death all these years and now his only remaining family knows about it, even though he swore to never let him know.

 

The reaction he got was unexpected, Cas hugged him tight and let him cry all he wanted on his chest. Gabriel was terrified. He wrapped his arms around his little brother while still apologizing to him nonstop.  

 

“Shh… It wasn’t your fault Gabe. Please stop apologizing. You’re fine now, both of us are. If anything, I’ll always be grateful for having you.” Cas confessed to him as a tear rolled down his face.

 

After almost an hour of Gabriel crying his heart out, soaking his brother’s shirt with his tears. He finally calmed down enough for Cas to tell him to go take a shower to relax him even more.

 

Gabriel didn’t know what to do, he stood up, but felt like he couldn’t move anymore, until he heard his brother, “I don’t blame you, Gabe. our parent’s death was in the past. You can’t let it eat you up, and I’m sorry that we never had the chance to talk about it sooner.” He ended it with a sad smile.

 

That night was very quiet after Gabriel revealed his deepest secret, but neither one of them felt at ease for some reason. Gabriel stayed awake, contemplating whether he did the right thing. Cas didn’t react much aside from what he said to him.

 

Few minutes later, his bedroom room opens quietly with Cas’ head peeking inside from behind it. Gabriel sat up, “did you need anything Cas?” the door completely opened and Cas was no longer hiding behind it.

 

He seemed to be battling his thoughts before he asked, “I know this might sound weird and we haven’t done this in a long time, but can I sleep with you tonight? I can’t sleep…” his embarrassment was showing on his rosy cheeks.

 

Gabriel smiled at him and made room, pulling up the covers to invite him in, “of course, hun.” they laid there in silence, not an awkward one this time.

 

“I have a question and I really hope it doesn’t hurt you.” He looked sideways at his little brother, that question could be anything, but he was ready for anything. “Yes, sure.”

 

“I know I was very young when that happened, but I’m pretty sure anyone could remember what they did when they were 5 years old. How come I can’t?” even though it was dark, Gabriel bet Cas’ brows were furrowed.

 

“Remember when I said that the first thing I saw when I woke up was you sleeping next to me?” Cas nodded, “well… the accident was very traumatizing to you, one of the doctors forgot that you were there and told our uncle that our parents couldn’t make it… he also told him that there was a possibility that I would never wake up too.”

 

Cas pushed himself closer to his brother and hugged his right arm close to him, “for a 5 years old, that was too much. Uncle tried to convince you otherwise, but you just didn’t want to hear anything from anyone. The trauma left you speechless, quite literally considering that for the following year or so you had speech impediment, also for some reason you lost your memory, the doctor claimed it was due to the trauma too.” Cas kind of remembered that part.

 

“Uncle also told me that you refused to talk to anyone and would not sleep alone, I always had to be by your side for a while. Until you were able to speak again, and then eventually completely forget about the incident.”  

 

he stared at the ceiling while once again a tear ran down the side. “I’m so sorry all of this had happened to our family, Cas. If I could go back in time and obey mom’s words, I honestly would.”

 

Cas smiled, “I wouldn’t.” Gabriel turned his head towards Cas, “what?”

 

“I said I wouldn’t. I told you, everything happens for a reason, therefore if you go back and change things, we wouldn’t be where we are at right now. You should really work on letting it go, I’m always here if you need me.” Cas leaned his head up and kiss his brother’s cheek.

 

“But most importantly, I forgive you, and I will always consider you to be my hero.” Gabriel was speechless, he let his arm slip out of Cas’ grip to wrap both of them in a tight hug.

 

Cas yawned and hugged him back, “I love you, Gabe.” he muttered sleepily. “I love you too, honey bee.” with a final kiss onto Cas’ head.

 

The two brothers fell asleep entangled in each other’s arms. Finally letting things go and living the moment while it lasted, both of them ending the day with a new lesson.

  



	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean and his mixed feelings...
> 
> I'm glad you guys seem to enjoy it thus far :)   
> behold for the upcoming angst... I promise there will be a happy ending! 
> 
> mkay, here's a new chapter!   
> thank you for your comments, kudos, etc!

Those past few weeks had been the happiest and most stressful ones in Cas’ life. Despite all of the grown ups responsibility, he was still a high school senior with a shitload of homework and tests.

 

He felt like his life turned into a cycle of stress. One day he was stressing about his brother finding out about his boyfriend, and the next he was even more stressed about his school work.

 

“Hey, Cas. what are you doing?” Michael leaned his head over Cas’ shoulder to look. Their teacher didn’t feel like teaching that day, so she ended up giving them free time to work on their other schoolwork.

 

Cas used that opportunity to finish up his lab paper for chemistry. “I’m just finishing up my homework.” he answered without facing Michael. “Don’t you have work to do?” he then asked as he pulled himself away.

 

He also noted how out of character Michael had been lately when he finally looked up and saw him pouting. “No. We have to finish everything during study hours before practice. It’s exhausting.” he sighed and sat back comfortably in his chair.

 

Cas didn’t know what else to say so he replied with a simple nod, then went back to working on his paper. That’s all he wanted to do at that moment. He wasn’t completely behind on his classes, but he did have some things he needed to catch up to.

 

“Will you come over today?” Michael asked after few minutes. “I’m not sure. If I finish my homework early, then yeah.” He can’t deny that he missed Dean, but he also miss hanging out with his bestfriend.

 

“We have an early release day, you could probably finish your homework even before practice ends.” Michael beamed at him. Cas was lost at first, but then realized they were already half way through the week and it’s Wednesday, he agreed.

 

“I’ll ask dad to pick you up on his way home too.” Cas stiffened at that, he wanted to tell him that he could just walk to his house, but he didn’t want to waste those few minutes of sitting in the car with him alone, so he nodded and finally went back to finishing his work without any disruptions.

 

The rest of the school day went by quite smoothly for Cas. By the time the last bell rang, he was caught up to pretty much all of his classes. He then decided to walk home to kill some time since he had few more hours until Dean picks him up.

 

The walk home felt nice, Spring is his favorite season. The weather isn’t too hot or too cold; just right for him. He inhales the nice, not so polluted, air. Once he got home, he went straight to his room, knowing that Gabriel was still at work.

 

He took his backpack off and dropped himself onto the bed. He closed his eyes and sighed happily. Sometimes, Cas really believed that his mood is connected to the weather, the sunnier and more lively it gets, the better his mood turns.

 

Cas ended up finishing his schoolwork, went on his phone for a little bit, ate lunch, then slumped onto the living room couch waiting for Dean to pick him up. He also made sure to let Gabriel know where he was going via text. His eyes started shutting, not realizing how tired he had been.

 

Few hours later and Cas felt himself being forced out of dreamland by gentle kisses all over his face, followed by some soft whispers of his name. He whined and tried to turn away from the voice, but the hold got tighter, “come on!” a familiar voice whined to him.

 

“Wake up and love me Casserole.” the voice laughed at his own lame joke, ‘this gotta be Dean’, Cas inhaled deeply and turned his head, then wrapped his arms around Dean. “hi babe”.

 

Dean grinned from ear to ear, “my prince is finally awake, what a wonderful day!” Cas giggled at yet another lame statement, then leaned forward and kissed him right on the lips.

 

“What time is it? I was supposed to go to your house.” Cas was fully awake by then, “wait… how did you even get in here?” only then did he notice the house felt way more lively than when he came back from school.

 

“Well you’ve been out for few hours. I already called Mike and told him we’ll go home a little later ‘cause I had ‘few more meetings to attend’ and that I’d call your brother to let him know.” he used his fingers for air quote.

 

“Umm.. Your brother was home when I came to pick you up and you wouldn’t answer your phone, so I decided to just ring your bell, and he was kind enough to let me in. We had a nice little chat while you were K.O.’ed on the couch.” Dean ended that with a gentle neck kiss.

 

Dean then lets go of Cas so he could stretch out his body, “well, we should get going, I don’t want him to get upset at me for not showing up.”

 

“It’s okay, he barely just got out of practice almost an hour ago, he won’t even trip about it.” Dean informed him as they walked to the kitchen so they could let Gabriel they’re leaving. He held Cas’ hand throughout the short ride to his house, not wanting to separate himself from him just yet.

 

He felt kind of sad for having to act semi-professional again once they reached him house. Dean wished there would be an easy way to break it to his son, but at that moment, there seemed none.

 

“Cas! You’re finally here!” Michael seemed to brighten up by just looking at Cas, that he even forgot his dad was standing there too. Dean tried his best to not be annoyed by his action and how much Michael was pushing himself onto Cas.

 

‘They’re just really close friends. Maybe I’m just imagining things.’ He also tried his best to convince himself that. Dean realized how touchy Michael tried to be with Cas. He once also had a best friend, but they weren’t _this_ touchy with each other.

 

Dean shook his head to clear his mind and walked up to his bedroom to go change into more comfortable clothing. He knew he was being irrational when it came to what he thought about his son’s and boyfriend’s relationship, but he also couldn’t shake off those thoughts.

 

‘Maybe I should talk to Michael about it and see….. No that’s stupid, it would just draw unwanted attention from him’, Dean ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.

 

He went downstairs to see what they wanted for dinner, but his son told him they’ve already call for pizza delivery, “sorry dad, I thought you had work to do,” ‘more like you wanted me to stay away for few hours’.

 

Dean sighed louder than he intended, “you’re right, I guess.” he looked at both before telling them he would be in his office if they needed anything.

 

Cas noticed how much Dean’s mood changed ever since they went inside the house. What he didn’t realize was how hard Michael was trying to get his attention at all times. ‘I should check on him later on’, he thought to himself.

 

The rest of what left of the day went by smoothly. Dean stayed away for the most part, not even leaving his study when the pizza arrived. Cas wanted to make up an excuse to go check on him, but he couldn’t, since it is downstairs, and Michael wouldn’t leave him alone.

 

Gabriel texted him and ask for they could call it a night and have Dean drive him back. Cas let Michael know, he whined at first, but got up and told his dad anyway.

 

“I’ll see you at school tomorrow, okay?” MIchael brought him in for a hug, instead of having their arms criss cross over each other’s upper body, he wrapped his around Cas’ waist. Cas didn’t know how to react, he was caught off guard by the hug.

 

Dean just so happened to get out of his study at that very moment, he look at his son’s back as he was facing away from him, then looked at Cas dead in the eyes. He saw shock and confusion, but couldn’t help those suspicious thoughts.

 

“I’ll wait for you in the car.” Dean passed by them quickly and left out the door without letting Cas reply.

 

“Yeah… sure, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Cas wiggled his way out of Michael’s hold and fast walked his way to Dean’s car. He opened the passenger door and sat down with a loud sigh.

 

Once they buckled up, Dean drove off to Cas’ house silently. Oddly enough, he didn’t even turn on the radio. Cas started getting uncomfortable with how quiet Dean was. “Are you alright?”

 

No reply. Cas bit his bottom lip and looked out the window. All of a sudden he started feeling emotional, his eyes started watering causing his vision to blur up not realizing that Dean wasn’t driving towards his house anymore.

 

He stopped the car at a street that wasn’t busy or completely quiet. He turned off his car and closed his eyes while taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry.” he didn’t know what else to say. If it wasn’t for his irrational actions, they wouldn’t have been in that situation.

 

Cas stayed quiet, he wasn’t angry at him, but he was upset that Dean wouldn’t tell him what’s wrong, “it’s fine, I guess.”

 

Dean unbuckled himself quickly, then latched onto him, smacking their lips together while wrapping his hands around his face. Cas returned the kiss, but not as passionately.

 

He pulled away, but kept his distance close. “I know my behaviour upset you, so you don’t have to pretend that it didn’t. I was being an asshole.” Dean leaned down and kissed Cas’ shoulder.

 

Cas was still facing forward, but Dean knew he had all of his attention. “You want to know the truth? I don’t like how Michael gets all touchy with you. I know that he’s my son, and you two are best friends, but I don’t think…. Bestfriends would be… this touchy…” he gulped.

 

It was quiet all over again, at least until Cas decided to finally face him, he gave him a little peck before saying, “Michael is my bestfriend, and he just so happened to be your son…. As for the touchy part, I don’t know how to feel about it… sometimes, I don’t overthink it and just brush it off as his way of showing love, and other times I could understand where you’re coming from, like today.”

 

If it wasn’t for another text from Gabriel threatening to ground him, they both would’ve loved to stay in the car and spend more time with each other, but Cas obviously had to get home as soon as possible, without pissing off his brother any longer.

  
That night, Dean kept tossing and turning in bed, reviewing what had happened throughout. His thoughts didn’t let him sleep until his eyes couldn’t stay open anymore and finally decided to take him to a restless sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

The following few weeks weren’t any different from that night. Dean ended up letting his insecurities and thoughts take over. He kept his distance from Cas, barely talk to him through once a week.

 

It didn’t help their situation having Michael be involved in it. Dean didn’t know what to do. ‘ what if he actually likes Cas? I can’t hurt him like that…’ those were some of the thoughts that kept floating at the front of his brain. 

 

Even when they had sleepovers or have Cas over, Dean didn’t acknowledge his presence all that much. Kisses weren’t as sincere as they used; no more long comfortable hugs instead, just them standing there while Dean’s mind floating back to how his son would feel; and even their sex life wasn’t the same anymore, it was more not so passionate fucking than love making. 

 

Dean loved him to death, but he only remember that after uttering the one sentence no one wants to hear, “we should break it off.” 

 

Michael was away on a weekend job training. Cas and Dean were in the living room after Dean had jumped up and spoke, Cas stayed sitting down, still shocked as to what had just happened. “What… do you mean ‘break it off’?” 

 

There was no turning back, Dean couldn’t lie anymore. He loved Cas, but if his thoughts were correct, then they were better off before his son finds out and get hurt. 

 

“I believe you know what that means, Castiel.” now was Cas’ turn to get up, he walked closer to Dean with furious eyes. 

 

“How long?” Dean faced him with a confused expression so he continued, “how long have you felt this way?” his eyes were turning blood shot red, trying to not cry and look pathetic. 

 

Dean stayed quiet. He, himself wasn’t even sure how long he felt that way. “I don’t know.” Cas laughed at that, which got Dean even more confused. 

 

“You don’t know? YOU. DON’T. FUCKING. KNOW?” he really tried to keep his anger in and not raise his voice, but he couldn’t help it. 

 

“Yes. maybe two months? Don’t know.” Dean didn’t know what he was doing or saying anymore. Cas had never looked more hurt than at that very moment he let those words slip off his tongue. He turned his head away not being able to look him in the eyes anymore. 

 

Suddenly, he felt his left cheek sting, Cas was panting with tears running down his cheeks. “Two fucking months and only now did you decided to tell me how you felt about our relationship?” 

 

Cas made himself look bigger than his actual size with that voice, but yet smaller with his body language. “Was I just your fuck toy? A pillow you could hug when you felt lonely?” his hands clenched so hard they were turning white. 

 

“How dare you?” he went up close to Dean’s face, “don’t you dare come close to me anymore. Just like how you acted like you ‘loved’ me for the past two months…. Or hell, even at all.” he threw his head back and stared at the ceiling. 

 

He shook his head, “just… I don’t know what to say to you anymore… Mr.Winchester.” it didn’t feel right. Cas felt like there was a piece to the puzzle that Dean decided to hide away and leave the game uncomplete. 

 

Cas left the house running, he didn’t know were, just let his legs take him wherever. Only did he realize he ran to his secret spot. If he went home straight away, he would have to answer the infinitive amount of questions coming out of his brother’s mouth. 

 

He sat down and started crying off every tear left in his eyes. Cas then slowly brought his knees up to his chest, and wrapped his arms around them. He felt so small and vulnerable, like he had just lost his entire world. 

 

His thoughts were rotating themselves between, ‘ I hate him!’ ‘what the hell just happened?’ and ‘why?’, he wanted answers, but he knew he wasn’t going to get any.

 

Cas started thinking of all the possible answers as to why Dean broke it off with him, but there was one that lingered the most, ‘he’s bored of me. He probably thought I was too childish and not suitable for him anymore.’ 

 

That didn’t help him, if anything, it made him cry even harder. Cas felt exhausted and sick by the time he decided to finally go home. He took the opportunity of having his brother not facing him to quietly greet him and walk up to his room. 

 

He laid on his bed and let few last tears slip out of his eyes before shutting them and calling it a night. Cas wished with all of his heart that everything that had happened that day was a simple nightmare. Unfortunately for him, it wasn’t. 

 

_______________

 

On the other end of the rope there was Dean. once Cas had stormed out the door, leaving behind Dean with a stinging cheek. He was in his own state of shock, not because of how Cas reacted, but because he actually uttered those words to him.

 

He saw how hurt he was, “what have I done?” Dean finally realized that he possibly just lost the love of his life, just for the sake of making his son happy. 

 

He heard the door open and wished it was Cas, but instead he was face to face with his son. Who came in smiling, but once he saw his dad, it faded away. 

 

“Dad, are you okay?” Michael went and closer and brought him down to sit on the couch. “Why do you look so spooked?” now he was getting worried, Dean wasn’t responding. 

 

If anything, his breathing hitched, tears welled up in his eyes. He felt humiliated and didn’t want his son to see him in that state any longer. So he got up and decided it would be best to stay away from him, “I’m okay. I’m going to sleep now…” he lied and almost ran up the stairs to his bedroom. 

 

Once he closed the door, one of his hands went up to clench itself onto his chest, where his heart was. He didn’t know how or why, but he enter the next stage of a panic attack without even realizing it. Dean started hyperventilating. 

 

He knew what to do, but wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to stop himself. ‘I fucked up. I fucked up really bad this time. I’m so sorry, Cas’, instead of getting better, his attack got worse. His breath shortened. 

 

His heart was pounding fast. Too distracted by his thoughts and how his body was reacting, he didn’t realize Michael was there by his side, screaming his name, trying to stable his breathing again. 

 

“Dad! Dad! Please look at me!” he felt his hands on his face, “Dad! Please stay with me! Take deep breaths!” Dean did as he was told unconsciously. 

 

Few more minutes of that and Dean was finally calming down. He closed his eyes and took one last deep breath before opening them again, only to realize that his son was a crying mess.

 

“Oh my god, Dad! I thought that wouldn’t stop.” Michael said between short sobs that turned into loud crying once he hugged his dad tightly. Dean hugged him back and whispered a quiet “thank you” to him. 

 

‘I can’t be this selfish… I shouldn’t have let that go that far.’ he buried his head into Michael’s neck and let his tears run down. Michael didn’t say anything, he just sat there and held him. Every few minutes he tells him that everything would be okay while rubbing his hand up and down Dean’s back. 

 

‘This is so pathetic…. I can’t even face my son. I can’t lose him like I lost Cas’, Michael then helped Dean get in bed and under the covers. He placed a soft kiss on his forehead, like how Dean used to when he was younger and had scraped his knees, or a simply injured himself somehow. 

 

He then left to let Dean sleep after saying “goodnight” and closing the door behind him. Dean tossed and turned in bed, not able to sleep well, until he held onto the necklace Cas gave him. He instantly fell asleep with happy memories of Cas after kissing it.

  
Despite everything that had happened that day, he was sure that he was still in love with Cas no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooo break up~
> 
> they'll work it out somehow...
> 
> as always, thank you for all your comments and kudos!


	20. Chapter 20

Spring break was approaching, only two more weeks and things would slow down for the high school seniors. Head buried in his laptop screen while surrounded by books, was how Cas decided to cope with the break up. 

 

He acted like that period of his life never existed. Gabriel only mentioned Dean’s name once to him, and ever since then, that name never left his mouth. As for Michael, he found himself getting more dragged towards him no matter how hard he tried to get away. 

 

He loved his best friend, but having to be close to him and asked to go to his house, meant seeing his “ex”, and so they both decided that every time they wanted to hang out, they either stay over at Cas’ house, or go out somewhere. 

 

Ever since Michael had gotten his car, it wasn’t that hard for them to go places around and even outside of the city. After all, there wasn’t a lot to do in Lawrence anyway. Their relationship seemed to gradually progress without even realizing that.

 

Maybe it was one sided or maybe not, Cas didn’t know. He knew exactly what Michael was doing, but no matter how hard he tried to forget about Dean and possibly move on, he couldn’t. He couldn’t give Michael the same love he gave Dean.

 

‘Why am I even thinking about him after almost a month?’ he looked over to his left, Michael was driving happily. Cas wished he could be as happy as he was, but Dean kept popping up in his head. ‘I haven’t thought of him ever since? Why is it now that I wanna move on, that he’s coming back?’ 

 

He turned his head to look out the window and enjoy the view while sighing deeply. Michael noticed. He took one of his hands off the steering wheel and held Cas’ hand with it. “You okay?” he looked at Cas briefly before keeping his eyes on the road again. 

 

Even though Cas wasn’t so fond of the little gesture, he gave Michael a small smile and replied with a simple, “I’m alright.” and went back to looking out the window again, not letting go of his hand. 

 

Few minutes later and they’ve reached their destination. They walked into the diner and sat across from each other at one of the booths. The waitress came and took their order.

 

The rest of the meal was kind of nice, if Cas had to admit. Until dessert time came, there was a whole separate menu of sweets to choose from, but seems like the appetite for pie just runs in the family. Michael ordered them two slices of cherry pie, then went back to giving all of his attention to Cas. 

 

He should’ve been happy to be out and about with his potential boyfriend, but that wasn’t the case. Almost everything reminded him of Dean. 

 

Even when they left the diner and drove around the city more, he couldn’t help that uneasy feeling that he was feeling deep down. 

 

Once their unofficial date came to an end, they stayed in the car in front of Cas’ house for a little while. There was a tense silence that neither of them knew how to break.

 

Cas wanted to just get out of the car and go home, but him being the good person he was, he couldn’t just get up and leave, a part of him was holding him back. 

 

“So… I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” Michael let out a nervous laugh, throughout the whole day, he was acting confident, and now he was almost squirming under Cas’ gaze. That felt odd.

 

“Yeah… it’s a school day after all.” Cas started feeling awkward and finally decided to just end the day, “well, I have to go in, so… goodnight, Mike.” he unbuckled himself and was halfway out the car when he felt  hand on his forearm pulling him back in.

 

Once he was seated back in the car, Michael let go of his arm to place both of his hands onto Cas’ face. He pulled their faces together and gently, but passionately kiss him right on his lips. 

 

Cas didn’t kiss back, he knew this was going to happened, but he was still shocked. It didn’t feel right, it felt forced, but most importantly, he felt like he was  _ cheating.  _ On who exactly? He wasn’t seeing anyone, other than Michael… so why did it make him feel more miserable than happy. 

 

He pulled away and left the car with a red face and an even more red eyes. Michael only noticed his face and thought Cas was just being shy, then drove off feeling satisfied with a big smile on his face. 

 

Once Cas closed the front door, he turned around to see an angry brother that was about to scold him, until he saw how his little brother looked. “Oh Cas…” those two simple words and having himself being brought in for a long hug made him finally let it all out. 

 

He almost collapsed in Gabriel’s hug, little tiny sobs turned into loud cries, he buried his face into his chest and wrapped his arms around Gabriel’s torso. “I-I-I Can-’t do it anymore, Gabe. I can’t.” he said between cries. 

 

“Shh, It’s tough, I know.” Gabriel pulled him to sit down in the living room while trying to sooth him out of his misery. “You’re gonna be fine, little brother.” and a whole other bunch of nonsense was said to him. He just wanted his brother to feel better.

 

That continued on until Cas felt too tired to even cry anymore. Almost passing out, he was held up by Gabriel and taken to his room. Once Gabriel let him lay down on him bed, helped him take off his jacket and shoes, he then placed covered him with his soft blanket and kissed his temple, whispering,  “sleep well, hun.” as he left his room and closed the door behind him. 

 

Cas hasn’t cried like that in few weeks. That simple innocent kiss reminded him of Dean. In fact, the whole “date” with Michael reminded him of Dean. he resembled his dad in so many ways. ‘This is so messed up… I can’t do this… not to myself, not to Michael. He deserves someone who’s way better than a piece of shit like me.’ 

 

His insecure thoughts took over his mind again. He kept battling them over and over again for almost an hour, until he came to the conclusion, ‘I miss him… way more than I should.’ 

 

Not even five minutes later, he found himself calling Dean out of habit, the phone rang a few times before a very mature…. Sexy voice replied with a “hello.” Cas bit his lips, he didn’t know why he called, what to say to him.

 

His heart almost stopped when he heard Dean saying his name, “Cas?” he panicked, “Cas, is that really you?!” Dean’s voice sounded more awake. Cas came back to his senses and hung up. He threw his phone onto his nightstand, then covered all of his body; from head to toe with his blanket, as if it would protect him from everything else out there.

 

Cas’ breathing slowed down a bit, even though he was still feeling sad, Dean’s voice made him feel better. He wasn’t sure if he was imagining or what not, but Dean sounded like he was anticipating the call from him. 

 

Just when he finished that thought, his phone buzzed. He peeked his head out of the blanket and hesitantly reach for it. “One new message from: Babe” followed by a green heart emoji. His cheeks heated up once he realized he never got to change Dean’s contact name. 

 

He swiped his screen to unlock his phone and let it take him to his messages. Butterflies started flying around inside his stomach once he read what it said.

 

‘Babe: I miss you… I’m sorry.’ that was the first thing Dean had said to him in weeks. He fingers kept flying over his phone’s keyboard, not knowing what to reply with.

 

‘Why did you do that?’ Cas wasn’t really having it, he wanted answers. Few seconds passed and he thought he won’t get one. As almost always, he was wrong.

 

‘Babe: It’s complicated… there isn’t a perfect way for me to say it. All I could tell you is that as much as it was necessary for us to break it off, I still miss you.’

 

‘Babe: Hell… I fucking miss everything about you….’ Cas was confused as to what was so “complicated”, but it hurt him to know that Dean thought that was the only option for them.

 

‘I miss you too, you asshole.’ he smiled and let a tear slip out of his eye. 

 

‘I’m pretty sure you know about... me and Michael by now..’ he knew that simply hurt Dean as much as it hurt him. 

 

Dean didn’t reply as fast this time, ‘Babe: I know.’

 

That was it. Cas couldn’t take it anymore, ‘Dean. I can’t do it. I’m not happy with him. No matter what we do, it just reminds me of you. I know I sound pathetic, but I love you, and I can’t give him the same love. I’ve always only thought of him as my best friend and nothing more. You’re the only one I could imagine myself with, Dean. Please let’s not do this anymore… I’m begging you.’ he was crying again. 

 

What made it worse was Dean not replying back. Cas went back to feeling miserable all over again. ‘I’m just a used rag that’s been tossed around between those two… I can’t believe I let this happen again...’

 

All he wanted to do was cover himself up with his favorite blanket and sleep his stupid life away, but that wasn’t the case. He was wrong again. Everything was quiet except for the quiet knocks on his balcony door. 

 

He gasped once he saw a panting Dean standing outside. Cas quickly got up and opened the door for him. “What are you doing here?” instead of answering him, Dean kissed him so passionately, like his life was depended on it.

 

Cas didn’t feel bad, he kissed back and wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck to deepen it even more. Dean grabbed Cas’ thighs and without any hesitation, wrapped them around his torso. He pushed Cas onto the nearest wall.

 

He bit and pulled Cas’ bottom lip before parting to allow them to breath. “I’m never letting you go again. You’re mine and no one else is allowed to touch you in any way.” 

 

If looks could kill, Cas would’ve been dead. Dean looked so angry and possessive, Cas loved it. He liked the feeling of Dean giving a crap about what they had. If anything it really turned him on. 

 

Cas bit his lips to keep himself from moaning when Dean grabbed his ass cheeks. He then walk to Cas’ bed and gently laid him down, pushing over the covers. Dean went back to kissing him, after all these weeks, he missed those soft plump pink lips. 

 

Then all of a sudden he stopped, it hit him that Cas was with Michael now. He promised himself that he won’t do this to his son. That he would leave them be, as long as they’re happy. One the other side, Cas wasn’t happy with Michael. 

 

His head started spinning, get got off of Cas with a sigh, then sat at the edge of the bed and out his head in his hands. “We shouldn’t be doing this.” he mumbled. Dean kept shaking his head, he didn’t know whether he was trying to convince Cas or himself. Either way it wasn’t working.

 

Cas wanted to be angry, but Dean’s posture and the way his voice kept cracking made him think otherwise. He situated himself behind Dean, bringing him closer between his legs, while wrapping his arms around his torso from behind. Cas then gave his shoulder a gentle kiss, then rested his head on it. 

 

Now Dean was a crying mess. He felt like he was betraying his son without him knowing, but at the same time he wanted to be with Cas more than anything. Cas started kissing him everywhere, from his shoulders, back, neck, behind his ears, and finally, he brought one of his hands and placed it on Dean’s chin, turning his head so they could face each other. 

 

“It’s okay Dean.” Cas looked into Dean’s eyes, trying to find a way to comfort him, “I love you.” he leaned his head up a bit and kissed him. Not too gentle and not too aggressive, somewhere in between, just how Dean likes it.

 

“I miss you so fucking much, Cas. It was so unbearable without you.” Dean said after carefully moved to have his whole body on the bed and lean on the headboard, bring Cas to straddle lap. He hugged him for dear life. Cas was happy. He hasn’t felt that way in weeks, and now he was glad Dean was by his side. 

 

“Can you stay the night here? I don’t wanna let go just yet.” Cas whispered, then felt Dean nodding his head. They wiggled around and slided around. Dean laid down, while still having Cas straddle him. Cas finally felt like calling it a night. 

 

He wasn’t joking when he said he didn’t feel like letting go just yet. Cas fell asleep laying on top of Dean, protected by his favorite blanket and his favorite strong manly arms wrapped around his body. 

  
One last kiss was shared before Cas placed his head onto Dean’s chest and let his heartbeats sooth him to dreamland after weeks of not visiting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that break up didn't last long, did it? lol oh wells.
> 
> I do wanna apologize for not updating regularly as of lately. I usually write when I have nothing else to do or if I'm somewhat happy. Kind of like a stress relief in a way, but I haven't had that much of free time or been happy enough to write. I've been trying my best to take my mind off of things and type away, but it's just not working out the way I wanted it to.... therefore my writing pace slowed down a bit. 
> 
>  
> 
> anyway, enough rambling about me and as always, thank you for your support :)


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update ya'll!   
> I wasn't feeling too well this past week...
> 
> anyhow, here's a new chapter, hope you enjoy it :)
> 
> as always, your comments and kudos are very welcome!

The next day Cas woke up to an empty bed. He sulked a bit and pulled his blanket to cover his head with it as Gabriel walked in. “Get up you lazy koala! You’re gonna be late for school.” he pulled off the blanket, then dragged Cas by his ankle out of bed. 

 

Cas started whining, but still got up as he didn’t have a choice of whether he could skip school that day or not, only one more week or so until Spring Break anyway. He then quickly washed up, changed, grabbed his breakfast sandwich Gabriel made, and headed to his brother’s car to finally go to school.

 

Once the car stopped in front of the school, he felt nervous. Cas hasn’t felt that way since a while. He hated the feeling of not wanting to go to school. He knew it was ridiculous, but he couldn’t help himself. Michael was there! 

 

In Michael’s world, they were not longer best friends, rather  _ boyfriends _ . Just the thought of it made him cringe. That was messed up of him to feel that way, but it was different from their little so called date the previous day.  In a way he was back with Dean and he can’t lie anymore. 

 

Cas hesitantly walked to his first period, he thought he had few more hours before he sees Michael, but then again, he is Castiel after all, and lucky just seems to run towards the other direction whenever it sees him. 

 

He was startled by the sudden arms wrapping themselves around his body, while soft plump lips kissed his neck.Cas’ face turned into crimson red, even though he couldn’t love Michael like it was expected of him to, this was on a whole another level for him. Cas wasn’t used to any kind of PDA…. his relationship with Dean had been behind dark curtains so far. 

 

That thought instantly made him sad. He cracked a lopsided smiled at how much he wanted to pity himself as if he was another person. If he was to ever go out in public and hold hands with the guy he loves, he would only get gasps and frowns, but if he was to hold hands and kiss with Michael, those same people would consider it to be cute and a whole bunch of “awws” and “that’s so cute” would thrown at them. 

 

“Babe, were you listening?” Michael took his head off of Cas’ shoulder and stopped kissing his neck. That seemed to get Cas’ attention, as he sighed and nodded his head slowly. There was no easy way to tell him about his relationship with Dean.

 

“Are you…. Busy after school today?” Cas asked, he tried to sound confident, instead ended up sounding very nervous. Michael didn’t seem to overthink it too much, he smiled and told Cas that was in fact free. 

 

“Okay, I kind of need to talk to you about something important, would you be able to meet me near my locker?” Cas quickly spit that question out and waited for Michael to reply. The guy was either very gullible or he was just really good at hiding his emotions sometimes, because he yet again smiled and nodded his head yes. 

 

The bell to their first period rung, saving Cas big time. Luck was on his side for once that day, he didn’t have to see him again until fourth period. “I’ll you later then.” he said as he looked up at Michael. 

 

He knew he should’ve walked a bit faster or possibly ran to his class, but he wasn’t fast enough, Michael wrapped one arm around Cas’ torso, while the other hand brought their faces together. One kiss and one lip bite later, and Cas was feeling guilty all over again. 

 

Cas quickly got himself together and speed walked to class, not once looking back at the confused Michael. Who knew this time was definitely had nothing to do with shyness. Maybe there was something more that his love for Cas was blinding him with. 

 

‘Has he always been that way? Am I doing something wrong?’ he furrowed his brows and sulked his way to his class on the other hall. 

 

The rest of the school day went awfully slow, Michael wasn’t his hyper self. His head was all over the place, even when he got to see Cas during the classes they share, he tried to show how much he loved Cas as possible, but at the same time, kept his distance. 

 

As the school day came to an end, Cas found himself waiting at his locker for Michael anxiously, he kept it open and rearranged all of his books and what not as many times as he could until Michael finally showed up.

 

Even with his confident outside shell, Cas knew him long enough to know that Michael had a bad feeling about whatever they were about to talk about. All of a sudden he forgot what he wanted to say, like the speech he prepared in his head was never there.

 

“Hi…” Cas bit his bottom lip and looked anywhere but Michael’s face. A deep sigh and a kiss on Cas’ cheek was how Michael decided to greet him back. Cas wanted to cry, he felt like he was in under so much pressure at that moment. 

 

Michael had been so sweet to him and not even once he reciprocate those feelings and actions. Cas had that cheating guilt whenever he would just hold hands with him, let alone kiss and act like everything was alright. 

 

By now, the hallway was empty, aside from the two girls giggling far away from them, but soon they were gone too. Cas wanted to do it another time, to tell Michael that nothing was wrong and that he just wanted to hang out with him after school, but he just couldn’t.

 

Cas was done with all the pretending and lies. He just wanted to run up to Dean and let his strong warm arms hug him like there was no tomorrow, but first, he had to deal with Michael. 

 

“Actually… Can we go somewhere more private, please?” Cas asked nervously as he played with the hem of his shirt. Even though they were alone, he wanted to be somewhere, where he could feel confident enough to speak without the fear of someone eavesdropping on them.

 

“Yeah, sure.” Michael quietly agreed, by now he just wanted to get it over with. He didn’t even know what they were meeting up about, and to say he was getting frustrated wasn’t even close to how he felt.

 

Their high school was big with many campuses and many places where students could easily skip class without anybody or the cameras catching them. They decided to just settle with a little area where a little staircase leads to the parking lot from the main building. 

 

Cas felt bad, he saw how hurt Michael already was and he hasn’t even uttered a word about it yet. ‘This should have never happened’, he thought to himself as he finally took a deep breath and prepared himself to just finally spit it out. 

 

“So… for a few months, I had a boyfriend.” Michael furrowed his brows and seemed like he wanted to say something, but Cas held up a hand to stop him. “Please, please, hear me out to the end.” Cas pleaded.

 

“As I just mentioned, I had a boyfriend. I know, I’m sorry I never said anything about it, but I just couldn’t. We weren’t ready to tell the world about our relationship, and maybe not yet even.” Cas admitted.

 

“Anyway, a little before we,” he pointed his finger between himself and Michael, “start… going out? I guess… he broke up with me. Somewhere in his brain at that time, he thought I would be better off with you. I was confused, one day we were saying ‘I love yous’ and the next, I was storming out of his house after he shattered my heart into pieces.” 

 

Michael didn’t quite get where this was going, but he wanted to respect Cas and let him finish. “I know you’re probably wondering why I’m telling you all this, but that’s where you come in the picture.” Cas stopped, he didn’t want to sound rude or hurt him anymore, but there was no nice way of saying it. 

 

“We literally went from the closest best friends to you trying to kiss me in front of the whole world while holding me, Michael… I seriously don’t wanna hurt you anymore, and I do love you…. But just not the same way you love me.” his voice cracked at that last sentence as a tear rolled down his cheek. 

 

Michael was dumbstruck. He thought he was prepared, but to actually hear the person he loved say that to him… it just felt devastating. “I am so sorry, Mike. I tried to move on and be with you instead, but I just couldn’t. I can’t do this anymore, I can’t lie and pretend like I’m happy with you when I’m not.” Michael’s heart crushed into pieces at that.

 

“It’s not you, I swear on my life. You were the sweetest and most gentle person ever, but I’m just not the right person for you. One day you’ll understand why, as for right now, it’s way too complicated to even explain.” 

 

Cas let the tears fall as he looked at Michael trying to keep himself together and not let his own run out of his eyes. Michael felt sad, but he was also furious. His skin was itching to know who that bastard that stole the love of his life’s heart. 

 

And so he asked, “did he come back?” Cas was not feeling as confident as few seconds ago anymore, he didn’t want to give out too much information. He also didn’t know if Dean was ready to tell his son just yet. 

 

“He never left….” Cas admitted shamefully. That definitely angered Michael, he clenched his hands. He wasn’t a violent person, but he felt like he was obligated to punch whoever it was.

 

“Do I know him?” he wasn’t even sure why he wanted to know, or whether that would benefit him in any shape or form. He just felt the urge to punch something or someone.

 

“It’s complicated…. Please don’t make this even more hard than it already is, Mike. I’m so sorry this had to end this way.” Cas was scared, he had never seen his bestfriend this upset before. 

 

Michael licked his lips and nodded his head in an angry manner. He wasn’t having it anymore, done with being Mr.Nice. “so this is it? Is this how you really wanna end it, Castiel?” 

 

Cas was starting to hate his actual name, ‘I don’t know why people feel the need to say my whole name when we’re breaking up.’ he thought. “Michael, please. I really am sorry.” he apologized again. 

 

“Nah. you shouldn’t be… well, best of luck with him.” he smile bitterly as he turned and opened the door harshly to go straight to his car. 

 

Cas on the other hand had mixed feelings, he didn’t know if he should be happy, sad…. Terrified maybe? He had this anxious feeling in his guts that he couldn’t get over. 

 

He then sighed and headed out to walk home and clear his mind up a bit, just in case Gabriel decided it was his turned to scowled him too… as if he needed anymore nagging and guilt. 

 

Michael got in his car and sped home. He walked through the front door and slammed it shut behind him. He knew his dad hated that kind of attitude, but he didn’t give a first fuck to care about a second one at that moment. 

 

Surprisingly, Dean didn’t say anything. As much as he wanted to, he decided to just give him some time alone. He would’ve felt the hypocrisy seeping through his skin if he went and comforted his son, when he was the cause of his misery. 

 

“Great, just great.” Dean said to no one as he massaged his head trying to relax himself a bit and not just take it out on something, or even say the wrong thing to his only son. 

 


	22. Chapter 22

The rest of that week Cas broke it off with Michael, as well as the week right before Spring Break were very awkward. Cas was sad that he had lost his only best friend, and Michael was trying to deal with his feelings and pent up anger. 

 

It seemed like Michael’s new mission was to find out who stole Cas’ heart. He felt betrayed and was determined enough to not just let it all go and move on. He didn’t even know the guy, but he already hated him. 

 

As for Dean, he check on Cas few times, but couldn’t meet him in person just for precaution. He tried to distract his son’s mind off of it, but he noticed how much hatred Michael held for his dad without even knowing. 

 

Everytime he tried to talk to his son, he would only get a snap as a reply. Dean was getting fed up with his behaviour, but at the same time he couldn’t say anything. He had no idea how Michael would react. 

 

The Thursday of that week for some reason felt like a safe day for Dean to meet up with Cas. Michael had a game and won’t be back until later on that night. He wanted to drive over to his house, but Cas argued that they would have more privacy at Dean’s house, considering they would be completely alone for a few hours. 

 

Cas didn’t bother to wait up after school for Gabriel to pick him, he let him know that he was going to Dean’s house. His older brother didn’t feel too good about him being there, especially since Michael is Dean’s son and he lives there too. “Stay safe, kiddo.” Gabriel said before hanging up. 

 

Both of them didn’t realize how much they missed one another until Cas finally got to Dean’s house and hugged him tightly. He felt safe in his arms, Cas wanted to cry out his bottled up frustration.

 

Dean pushed himself off enough to kiss Cas, while still holding onto him. He felt like he hadn’t taste those lips in ages. Liplocking, biting and tongues rolling together. Few more minutes of that, then Dean brought Cas to the living room to sit down with him. 

 

“How’s my honeybee doing?” he asked as he made Cas sit on his lap instead of the couch. His neck was wrapped with two not so muscular and not so lanky arms. Cas then planted a gentle kiss on kiss before replying with, “could’ve been better.” 

 

He really didn’t want to kill the mood for them, but they had to talk about what happened. If only there was a better way to do it. Dean nodded as a way of acknowledging how he felt. After all, the both of them were involved in it.

 

“How are feeling now?” Dean asked in a lower voice as he leaned further back into the couch, bringing Cas with him. He wanted him to feel as comfortable as possible. 

 

“It was…. Intense.” Cas let out a quiet, uneasy laugh. “I was very hesitant to say anything, actually I almost didn’t tell him. I didn’t know how to tell him without sounding like the asshole I am, or blurt everything out.” 

 

It seemed like playing with Dean’s hoodie strings helped relaxing his nerves. “I kind of just told him that you just never left my mind or life in general. I didn’t know what to expect, but the more I talked, the more upset he got, and honestly, I didn’t feel safe enough to continue. He looked like he was going to lash out any second.” 

 

Dean saw how tense Cas got. He rubbed his hand up and down Cas’ arm to relax him again. He didn’t want his baby to start crying, Cas has had enough of that already. “Why didn’t you feel safe, babe?” 

 

“It’s not like he wanted to hit  _ me _ or anything, but he just gave that vibe off… like if he knew who it was, he would’ve definitely went up to you and punched you square in the face. That made me feel very uncomfortable, and even afterwards, as in from then on, he’s been acting weird. Very negative and distant from everything.” 

 

Cas suddenly started feeling guilty all over again, “I’m really worried about him, Dean. what if he does something bad to himself?” he started sniffling, trying to hold back his tears.

 

“Shh, he’s gonna be alright babe, don’t worry about him.” Dean tried to reassure him, while covering every spot he could reach with kisses. 

 

“I know, but-... but he’s still my best friend. I feel so terrible. I thought that if I tell him, things would somehow magically go back to how it used to be… maybe with a little bit of frustration, but I swear I never wanted any of this to happen. I just really can’t be with him… I don’t see him as a lover, Dean. I know this is selfish as fuck, but I only want you. I can’t give you up.” 

 

Cas sobbed between kisses. He wanted to love Dean as much as possible while he can. Cas didn’t know why, but he was thinking ahead of himself.

 

“You sneaky little slut…” Cas stopped kissing Dean. He knew that voice, ‘no no no! This can’t be happening now!’ his heart felt like it could stop at any second. 

 

Dean turned his head as fast as he can while still holding onto Cas. There in front of him was a very furious, kind of disoriented, Michael. If looks could kill, both of them would’ve been dead by then. 

 

Cas got off of Dean and held up both if his hands in front of him as he started to defend himself, “Mike. I’m so sorry you had to find out this way, I could exp-” he was rudely cut off by Michael’s loud yell.

 

“Shut up!” he looked at Cas with so much hatred. “You don’t get to say anything. You’re just a little whore that wanted to have both of us, but felt it was too much for you.” Michael was letting his irrational thoughts take the best of him. 

 

Dean had enough, no one gets to talk to Cas in that manner. Cas looked like he was slowly breaking by Michael’s words. He stood up in front of Cas and faced his son, “watch what you say boy. Don’t start spinning things you’ll regret saying later on.” 

 

Michael laughed as he ran his fingers through his hair, “ _ boy _ ?.... Really? ‘Cause last time I checked your little slut right there and I are the same age, so wouldn’t he be a boy too?” he asked through gritted teeth. 

 

“Hold your tongue, Michael. You don’t know what you’re saying anymore.” Dean tried to stay calm and not lash out on him. After all, Michael was still his son. 

 

“No! You know what? You don’t get a say in this too!” by now Michael was furious, “you two planned this! Oh let’s be together behind his back, let’s lead him on, then dump him the fuck off!” he accused them in a mocking voice. 

 

Cas started crying again, he was next level terrified of how Michael was acting. “Fuck you, you don’t get to cry after breaking MY heart, you hoe! Don’t you act like you’re the little victim who wanted everyone to live happily ever after! You planned it with him!” 

 

“That’s enough!” Dean couldn’t keep his calm anymore. “I’m the one who broke up with him, just so your little princess feelings won’t get hurt! I’m the one who pushed him away, just for the sake of making YOU happy! So YOU could have the person you supposedly love. We tried, Michael, but you can’t force someone to be with you if they aren’t happy in the relationship.” 

 

Dean knew that might’ve been a bit harsh, but there was no other way to get to his son’s thick skull. “Oh shut up! Now you’re just trying to reason shit up for that little cocksucker behind you! I can’t trust a word you say after you chose your little fuck toy over your own flesh…. You two used me.” he kept shaking his head at them. 

 

“I’m ashamed to even call you my father,” he pointed his finger at Dean, “and you to be my supposedly best friend.” he then moved his finger to loosely point at Cas. 

 

“Screw the both of you! You could go fuck yourselves!” Michael stormed up the stairs, taking two steps at a time, to his room. He grabbed a duffle bag and pack some clothes in it. Then walked down to head for the front door. 

 

“Woo! Where you think you’re going?” Dean furrowed his brows once he saw the bag, he extended his arm out in front of Michael to try and stop him. 

 

Michael then pushed it down and glared at his father, “away from this monstrosity. Don’t think you could hold me back! And don’t you dare come looking for me!” he tried to push past him, but Dean grabbed him by shoulders. 

 

Everything happened too fast, Cas clasped his hands over his mouth as tears ran down his face. Michael punched Dean’s face as hard as he can, causing him to hit the wall behind him. Dean’s lip split and blood came out. 

 

“That’s it you little punk.” Dean said angrily as he quickly wiped the blood off his face with the back of his hand. He swung his arm and landed a punch on Michael’s face. 

 

That somehow put the both of them in a state of shock. Dean’s punch definitely had a bigger impact. Not only physically, but emotionally as well. Never had he landed a hand on his son before. He learned from his own experiences with his father to not repeat his own childhood. 

 

“I’m sor-” Dean didn’t get to finish as he saw Michael pick up his bag again and head for the door, before he left, he turned around and look at Dean dead in the eyes, then moved them to Cas and said, “you will pay for this.... Whore.” 

 

A loud car screech was heard as Michael left the garage and sped off. That was followed by complete silence. Cas was crying silently, while still looking at Dean. on the other hand, Dean licked the blood off his lip and zoned out; he wasn’t looking at something in particular. 

 

Cas’ sniffles as he dropped to the ground finally got him out of his little shock. The guilt was slowly killing him, not only had his son just found out about their relationship, he left him behind, and now Cas was a mess. 

 

Dean ran his fingers through his short hair and walked over to Cas. he bent down and brought him in to his chest. He let Cas cry everything he was bottling up. 

 

“You’re okay now. Everything will be fine.” Dean wasn’t sure whether he was reassuring Cas or himself more, because obviously nothing was okay. In a way, they were actually screwed. 

 

“I-I-I’m so-so sorry, Dean! I’m sorry!” Cas kept apologizing to him nonstop. He felt like everything was his fault. Like if he didn’t exist, Dean and Michael would’ve been living a normal life.

 

“There was no easy way of telling him. I’m the one who is sorry for the words he spat at you. He shouldn’t have been attacking you in that way.” Dean kissed the top of his head as he ran his hands up and down Cas’ back.

 

That stressful day finally came to a halt. They both agreed to just call it a day, lock up the house and try to get some shut eye, not knowing what the future was holding in its pocket for them.

 

Cas then called his brother, letting him know that he would spend the night at Dean’s. At first, Gabriel was a bit hesitant, but Cas reassured him that Michael wouldn’t be back.

 

They took a shower together to try and relax their tense muscles; nothing too intimate, just few kisses here and there. Neither one felt like they had enough energy for anything more than that. 

 

Cas changed into some boxers he kept in Dean’s closet, for those nights he decided to sleep over. Topped with one of Dean’s tees. He crawled into bed, covered his legs with the blanket and rest his body on his left extended arm, waiting for Dean. 

 

He held up the covers for Dean to slip in with him. Dean placed a kiss onto Cas’ templed and pulled him down with his own body. He exhaled a big breath he didn’t know he was holding as he wrapped his arms around Cas’ torso, bringing him closer. 

 

They both quietly stared at nothing for few minutes, trying to enjoy a bit of silence after all the yelling and emotional turmoil they had to go through earlier. 

 

“Don’t you think that was a bit harsh on him?” Cas asked carefully as he traced the faint freckles on Dean’s bare chest. After all that had happened, and everything Michael said to him, he was still concerned about him. 

 

“He was going too far with his disrespect. No matter who he might think he is, he can’t talk to you that way. That’s not how I raised him.” Dean replied as he tightened his hold. 

 

“Do you think he’s safe out there?” Cas’ guilt started rising up again. He couldn’t imagine laying there, cuddling with Dean, while Michael was out there unsafe because of him. 

 

“Yeah, he’s safe. He’s at dad’s house now. I got a call few minutes ago.” Cas was confused, he thought Dean’s dad hadn’t been in the picture for the longest time, or at least that was what Michael told him.

 

‘That’s a story for another time’, Cas thought as he didn’t want to push it any further. All he wanted to do at that moment was to rest for few hours, before possibly facing Michael again at school. 

 

“Goodnight, love.” Dean whispered sleepily, following that with a forehead kiss.

  
“Goodnight, babe.” Cas replied as he planted a kiss to his chest, feeling himself drifting to sleep. Laying in bed with Dean, while being held tightly, seemed to be the only way to make Cas sleep well and feel safe from whatever was waiting for him out there. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the following chapters may or nay not go back to being shorter... I'm really sorry, but I'm trying to get everything together. this fic is still one of my priorities, but sometimes I just don't get the alone time that I want to write it.
> 
> on another note, hope you enjoyed this chapter!   
> your comments and kudos are always welcome :)


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another slow update... sorry :/ 
> 
> thank you for still leaving comments and kudos! ya'll are awesome.

Going to school on the day Cas broke it off with Michael was nothing compared to how it was for him the day after Michael found out about him and Dean. he was terrified to go. 

 

Michael’s words kept flying around in his brain. Cas couldn’t believe how much hatred he was holding in his heart. They knew each other for over four years, ‘why is he acting like this now? When did he even develop his feelings for me, that he can’t just let go and move on…. Was I being an ignorant asshole all these years?’ 

 

He was too caught up in his thoughts to realize the person laying next to him waking up. Dean noticed how distressed Cas looked, memories from the night before started coming back. He tightened his hold on Cas, then nuzzled his nose into his hair. 

 

“Hmm, ‘Morning babes.” Dean said in a babyish voice. That seemed to lighten up Cas as his body shook with his giggles. 

 

“Good Morning, love.” he replied as he looked up and pouted his lips to let Dean know he wanted a kiss. Dean happily gave him mini kisses repeatedly. 

 

They had their fair share of chick flick moments before getting out of bed and preparing to finally leave to work/ school. As much as Dean wanted to drive Cas to school, he couldn’t. So they waited for Gabriel to come.

 

Once he arrived, Cas felt like his bones were crushed from the tight hug he was brought in. “oh thank God, you’re okay.” Gabriel cupped his face and gave him a worried look. 

 

Cas smiled at his brother thankfully, “I’m okay Gabe, there’s nothing to worry about.” he added as he turned back to his boyfriend to say goodbye to him for the time being. 

 

“I’ll wait for you in the car.” Gabriel said as he wanted to give them a minute before leaving. Dean automatically wrapped his arms around Cas’ waist and gazed down at him lovingly. Cas did the same with his arms around Dean’s neck instead. 

 

“Be careful at school, okay? Call me if you need anything.” Dean said to him before kissing his lips. Cas rolled his eyes in a playful way then nodded his head as he wiggled his way out of Dean’s arms.

 

Cas bent down to grab his bag and head to his brother’s car, only to get up fast with a yelp. Dean smacked his butt while biting his bottom lip to stop himself from smirking. 

 

“You assbutt!” that did it for Dean, he couldn’t stop himself from laughing so hard. That one word always got him, he never knew where Cas got it from, but he was glad that was his special phrase that no one else used. 

 

Cas laughed and sighed contently at how cheerful Dean was after a simple slip of his tongue yet again. He shook his head and finally made it to the car. 

 

“Took you long enough to get here, princess.” Gabriel said mockingly. “Hey! Don’t act like you wouldn’t do that.” Cas furrowed his brows, but kept a smile on his face.

 

Once he arrived to school, his anxious feelings came back. The atmosphere was dense, he felt like he couldn’t breath anymore. It wasn’t like anyone was following him around or giving him looks, but he was too paranoid to think otherwise. 

 

As expected though, Michael did not acknowledge him at all. He even moved his seat away, which did make people question things a bit, since they used to always be together at almost all times.

 

Cas knew he wasn’t prepared to be bullied not that day, not ever. But considering he really didn’t have any other friends than Michael, he felt lost during the periods they shared together and lunch. 

 

He felt very awkward with the thought of opening up to others considering they were already Seniors and about to graduate in two months. Cas’ stomach was full of worry and sadness that he couldn’t eat at all, and so he ended up spending his lunch time in the library. 

 

Once he sat down between the farthest bookshelves from the door, he drop off his backpack and brought his knees up to his chest. The loneliness and hint of guilt made Cas feel like crying. He was never the popular kid, or someone with a lot of friends. 

 

In fact, he wasn’t completely sure as to why Michael wanted to befriend him in the first place. They didn’t have much in common when they first got to know each other. 

 

Cas wasn’t sure if he enjoyed the silence or not at that moment, but he was definitely glad his phone buzzed in his pocket. A smile spread across his face once he saw the name of the person who texted him.

 

‘Babe: hey love, how’s your day so far?’ Cas sighed as he contemplated whether he should tell the truth or answer with a little white lie.

 

‘Cas: let’s just say I’ve had much better days.’ his slight smile slowly faded as he started thinking back to how his day actually had been thus far.

 

‘Babe: it’s okay love. I could drop by your house after school if you want?’ that was very sweet of him, but Cas felt like he couldn’t be selfish. After all Michael was still Dean’s son.

 

‘Cas: no, that’s okay. Can you go check on Michael though? Even though he might be acting tough now, I know he’s also feeling neglected.’ 

 

He wasn’t sure if he had upset Dean or whatnot, but the reply came a little later than the other ones so far. It made his smile come back.

 

‘Babe: what did I do in my past life to deserve such an angel for a boyfriend? Don’t worry, I’ll go check on him once he goes home after school.’

 

Cas blushed a hid his head in between his knees as if Dean was there staring at him, ‘you’re so cheesy, but thank you babe, I’m the one who got lucky.’ a slight rush of confidence went over his head all of a sudden. 

 

‘Babe: you know you love all this sappy talks.’ that was then followed by, ‘alright, enjoy the rest of your lunch time baby.’

 

Cas guessed Dean had to go back to work so he answered with a simple ‘Love you’ before stuffing his phone back into his pocket with a sigh. He then leaned his head back until it softly hit the shelf behind him and opened his eyes to look up. 

 

Once the bell rang, he decided to go to class and stop being a depressed little black hole. He didn’t care about who sat next to him and who didn’t. He blacked out all the voices except for the teachers’.

 

That way he wouldn’t care too much about people asking Michael why he’s sitting away or even if he wasn’t there, people from other periods asking either Cas or themselves the same thing. 

 

Obviously, running away from his issues would only add more fire, but that was his best option at that moment. He didn’t really have anyone on his side at school considering how little he talks to his classmates.

 

His last two periods went by a bit smoother than his morning classes. Aside from the unusual stares he got from Michael’s friends, he thought he was fine. 

 

Cas didn’t know why, but he felt like he wasn’t safe at school anymore, he went to his locker, grab his stuff and fast walked his way out to the bus stop. Luckily, there was a bus already waiting. 

 

He sat down at the back of the bus; knowing it would get too crowded at the front, and breathed out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding all along. Cas shouldn’t have been feeling that way. School is a place where you learn new things, educate yourself about stuff you most likely weren’t exposed to elsewhere, as well as socializing whenever one could. 

 

That didn’t seem to be the case for Cas, he already didn’t have much of a social life to begin with, and now his learning hours were being disturbed by a relationship that never existed as well as his only friend leaving him. 

 

The moment he stepped into his house and locked the door behind him, he finally felt at ease. Not that many things could stress him out, no strange stares, and especially not feeling like someone was following him everywhere; whether it was physically or with just their eyes.

 

Cas started to wonder if the rest of his Senior year was going to to be that way until the day they graduate. 

 


End file.
